A Space So Wide Both Near and Mello Can Fit In It
by oh.holy.martel
Summary: Mello, Matt, and Near run away, Near less willingly, only to be caught by one star detective Yagami Raito. L comes to collect them and the fun begins with an unexpected murderer. NearxMello. MattxMello. MattxNear. LxRaito. Murders, shonen-ai. AU Spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yes, this one's short, too. All for you, dear readers. Though the disclaimer will probably add another page to it. See, this one has an actual plot – aren't you impressed? On to the disclaimer …**

**Disclaimer: (Mello sits bolt upright in bed, chocolate-colored quilted thermal pajamas flushed with sweat. **

**Mello (Rolls over to shake him): "Matt, wake the fucking hell up. I just had the weirdest dream!"**

**Matt (Sits up groggily, gropes for his goggles on the bedside table – they increase his reasoning ability by 45%): "What, Mello? I mean, uh .." (Tries to ward off force of Mello's Murderous Glare) "What happened? If you want to tell me."**

**Mello (Cuffs Matt affectionately on the head, relaxes): "Of course I want to tell you, asshole! Why would I have woken you up otherwise? But it was fucking weird, man. There was this weird author-person, right? And she was scribbling down **_**my life**_** like she owned me! Can I tell you how fucking **_**creepy**_** that is?"**

**Matt (Rolls eyes): "No one could own **_**you**_**, Mello. I'd like to see them try."**

**Mello (Gets up on bed; staggers, rights himself and strikes defiant pose): "Damn straight!" (Collapses on top of Matt)**

**Ryuk (Circling over head with an apple from the kitchen in hand above the bed of the two boys): "Hyuk, hyuk! Ohba Tsugumi and Obata Takeshi do! Before I go back to N I should see if there are any more apples!"**

**Yes, I have stolen Ryuk from Light with apples. Which brings me to the question … just why exactly did I **_**want**_** him, anyway?**

**Ryuk: "Come on, I have to carry your messages and stuff! That's not nice! Why do I put up with you anyway –"**

**Let's shut Ryuk up and get on with the chapter!**

--

"And we are ready to go!" Mello announced, zipping shut his duffel bag. He'd borrowed it from Matt, really, because Mello was not one to own a _duffel bag_, but Mello was a firm believer in the 'MGE' rule of ownership: basically, Mello gets everything. Staring at it makes it his, except for that brat Near and his toy collection. And the title of L, which went back to Near. Grr, stupid Near –

"Cool," Matt drawled, sprawled on his bed, few bits of clothes and nearly every type of gaming thing he possessed already shoved in his bag. "I already hacked Roger's bank account and got his credentials for Wammy's. That should be enough to get us started, at least until we start our illustrious career in stealing. You sure you can carry your bag?"

"Of course!"

"Cool it, Mells. I saw you pack those three cases of chocolate _and_ the leather-studded boots. At least my games are lightweight."

"The chocolate's just for energy!"

"Whatever you say. Hey …" Matt looked up seriously at Mello, orange goggles making him look like some sort of otherwordly insect in the dark room, and asked, "why are we running away like this, anyway? I mean … there's no way L isn't gonna find us. And why did you pick Japan for us to go to? What are we looking for there? Come on, Mells, I'm running away too, ya know. I deserve some of the answers."

"You're right. Well …" Mello hesitated. "I know we're gonna get brought back. But, come on, don't you want to see some of the world before we're just cast out of here and told, 'Oh, you're smart but not smart enough to be L, you'll be fine?' People like Near can't even function in the real world. Plus, I think with the pressure and all, we need a vacation. So let's screw the system and make them come chase us. You in, Matt?"

Matt managed a grin, sliding off the bed and tucking his DS into a pocket of the bag. He peered anxiously down at the only pair of black clothes he possessed, then looking back up at Mello in all his small, defiant, blonde-and-black glory complete with a rosary. "When haven't I been? C'mon, let's ditch this place. The food sucks anyway."

Mello grinned at that. "Damn straight," he said. "They don't even serve chocolate at the meals."

They were halfway down the corridor on the next floor, passing right in front of Roger's door in fact, when a quiet voice from behind startled them. "What do you intend to accomplish by this?"

Matt and Mello whirled, Mello starting to exclaim, "What the FU –" before a hand was hurriedly clamped over his mouth by an irate Matt.

"If Roger hears we're screwed, Mells!" Matt hissed, taking the hand off once he was sure Mello would only blow up at Near _quietly_. "He's a heavy sleeper, but not that heavy! And the man runs like a freaking bull moose in heat!"

Near blinked in surprise. "Wouldn't that be female moose that had heat?"

Mello scowled. "Never mind that, Near, what the hell are you doing here? Don't you have, like, a toy to cuddle with if you wake up in the middle of the night or something? We're kinda busy here."

Near's face remained impassive as he slouched in his white pajamas, twirling a curl of his pale hair. "I asked you a question, Mello. I wanted to know why you were so obviously and unskillfully running away."

Matt, seeing Mello's dangerous eye twitch, stepped forward to intercede hastily. "Look, Near, it's just … we need a change. Don't you ever get bored in here? I mean, if you don't become L … what are you going to do? Live here forever? Run an online translating service? Come on. There's nothing more we can learn here anyway." Matt began to grow disconcerted as Near continued to stare at him.

Finally Near said, "And that's an excuse for a childish stunt such as this?"

Mello growled and stepped forward. "It isn't childish! And it's pretty damn hypocritical for _you_ to call someone else childish, Near, for someone who only wears white pajamas and sleeps with his toys! Just go back to bed and let the big boys play!"

"Maybe you could be a little louder, Mells. I don't thin Roger quite heard you," Matt muttered sarcastically out of the corner of his mouth, looking anxiously at Near as the small boy's pale face tightened.

"It would only take a few words in a raised voice to alert Roger and stop your obviously harebrained plan," Near announced matter-of-factly, hugging the transformer he had brought more tightly to his thin chest. "I suggest you go back to your room before I do so and you get in further trouble."

"Why you –" Mello started to say, advancing threateningly, no doubt to manhandle Near, give him a piece of his mind, _and_ most likely get them caught of his own accord, before Matt grabbed on to him from behind and peeked out ot look at Near.

"Err … do you want to come with us?"

Mello whirled on him immediately, his face having taken a direct line from 'Near-pissed' to 'It-is-the-end-of-the-world-and-I-am-causing-it' pissed, as he screeched, if one can do that at a whispering volume: "You can't just invite _him _along! He's a kid! And I the him! He has absolutely no real life experience, and he doesn't even own any other clothes other than those stupid white pajamas! He'd disable us before we even got out of the orphanage!"

"Mello," Matt managed, not even daring to look at Near's frozen expression as he tried to make the irate whirlwind see sense, "don't you remember what you said to me? You wanted to see the world so we wouldn't be stuck here all our lives. Well, Near's stuck here too, isn't he? C'mon, Mell, show a bit of decency – can't you bear with him for a few weeks, show some kindness for once? Maybe you'll discover a real person underneath those white pajamas. We can make him wear jeans, anyway. And he's got the whole teddy-bear-factor cute thing going on. Who wouldn't give him money?"

"Me," Mello grumped, but more in resignation than any sign of further antagonism. He turned on Near. "Well, Near? You hear us. Do you wanna come or not? If you do, you're gonna have to change your clothes. And you can't pack five hundred toys, either."

Near offered a tiny smile. "What Matt said … I believe he may be correct. I would like to see some of the world. But as to the packing, I hardly believe you did not bring the same amount of chocolate, Mello. Though I understand the conspicuity of my clothing."

"But I'm gonna eat my chocolate, and I hardly think you'll eat your toys," Mello retorted, and then his eyes widened. "Unless … _do_ you eat your toys?"

"I would hardly survive on a diet of plastic and fabric, Mello," Near retorted, having the grace to look mildly annoyed by this outrageous statement. "I suppose I should go back to my room and pack, and use the jeans that are still left in my wardrobe from when I first arrived that I have never had removed. I'm sure I have not grown significantly."

Matt chuckled at that. "Damn straight," Mello muttered, looking about them to make sure their conversation was still a secret before rapidly making adjustments to his plans. "Right. Near, you go pack and meet us at the front gate in proper clothing in a half hour with one bag – that you can carry without tiring, mind you – that has the proper essentials. No, that doesn't mean toys."

"I think I would know what that means, Mello," Near interjected, offended.

"Yeah, sure," Mello said, too busy to pick a fight or think about arguing. "Matt, you need to go purchase Near an online ticket. Make it out to the eight-year-old Nathan Ridge, our foster brother. I'll, um, go call a taxi. Later."

Matt nodded. "On it." Near silently disappeared, the tiniest of frowns creasing his face. what had eh gotten himself into, making a split decision like that and running away with Mello and Matt? Having to wear jeans and restrict his toy intake, no less. Most likely even stealing, much less being runaways and identity fraud. Not to mention the trouble he would put sensible adults into because of him. Really, what was he thinking?

Really, he was thinking like Mello or Matt. And he liked it.

Mello was marginally less happy.

--

They met in a half-hour, tiny Near lugging his duffel bag – which was white, Mello hadn't known they even came in that color – and actually wearing, very self-consciously, a pair of dark, rumpled blue jeans and his same pajama shirt. Mello decided to fight that battle later, already calculating that they were a half hour behind schedule and better get moving quickly or they wouldn't make it to the airport in time.

Matt, who'd been playing on his DS while they waited for Near and the taxi – though Mello grumbled that if Near wasn't here before the taxi came, they'd go without him – closed it as the white-haired boy came shuffling out of the darkness, the taxi screeching up a few short seconds later, to Mello's relief. He threw his bag in the trunk and ordered the driver to the airport, looking at the other two impatiently while he bounced on the leather seat. "Well, come on!" he demanded irritably. "Don't tell me you're going to back out _now?"_

"Mello," Matt said, with an anxious glance at the now staring taxi cab driver, "you don't always have to be on full throttle. If Near doesn't want to go it's perfectly okay."

"What?!" Mello yelled, eyes nearly bugging out in shocked anger "Of course he's coming now, after you stood up for him and shit! I didn't do all this just so he could back out and go crying to Roger like a baby!"

"Mello," Matt said, not so gently, "shut up. Seriously, Near, no one but Mello's gonna blame you if you don't want to go, and everyone knows that Mello isn't exactly the most rational. It's fine if you want to turn back. You haven't been out of Wammy;s since you were brought here at first, have you?"

"NO," Near said, face serious as he gingerly placed his bag in the trunk, "but I can't put it off forever. If Mello can do this than I can as well."

"Well, if you're sure," Matt said doubtfully, slinging his own bag in o top and shutting the trunk with a crash on the shiny new paint that made the driver wince. "Let our vacation commence!"

And the car sped away from the darkened house of Wammy's in the night, heading toward the airport. Three genii had a flight to catch.

--

L was interrupted in his morning sweet-taking, a custom that lasted no matter where he was (he was currently in Russia, working on a case involving a mysterious string of murders connected to the Mafia) by the phone ringing, the cell phone that's number was known by so few that he could deduce only one person that might possibly calling. And that meant bad news.

He picked up the phone in his delicate, examining grip, flipping I open as he droned, "What is it, Roger?"

A scratchy hiss came through on the other side, the speaker not even trying to conceal his emotions. "L, it's … it's your successors. They're …"

"What?"

And then came the words that would prove a further haunt to his dreams. "They're … they're gone. When I sent a child to wake them for breakfast, there was no one in their rooms and we've searched the orphanage since. Some of their clothes, Matt's games, Mello's chocolate, and Near's toys are missing, so it's likely they've run away."

"Tell me everything you have been able to discover so far," L noted, other hand reaching for the button to call Watari. He needed a plane for England, and he needed one immediately.

His successors were more important than Mafia rings.

But one question caused his heart to sink in fear that something more severe had happened to them. He could see Matt and Mello running away, but why … why would Near go with them?

--

**I wrote. You review. Let's notice who got the short end of the stick here …**

**Ryuk: "Me! I don't get to do anything except hide in your disclaimers …"**

**N: "Which are filled with apples, Ryuk. Lovely, juicy, delicious, mouth-watering earthly apples that will vanish if you complain again."**

**Yes, well, end chapter indeed. No crack until I get a review.**

**-N**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, a gigantic chapter to all of my reviewers. I swear, more people for this than any of my other stories … apparently I've stumbled on to something, here. Well, knock yourself out. I very nearly did with this much writing. I dedicate this chapter to all my reviewers (obviously), to Emery Board for asking about Raito's appearance (which I put in a few of), and to the fair A (.Wrong/Micah if you'd like to sift through the reviews) for actually getting on the computer again and reviewing, because she's been AWOL all week. **

**With that in mind, I'll have fun using her in the disclaimer that I imagined last night in a sleep-deprived haze …**

**Disclaimer: (A and N are sitting randomly in a random science class)**

**A: "Uh … N … why are we in science?"**

**N (Shifts uncomfortably): "Because of your name and, um, because I thought it would be mildly educational for our dear readers. What do you think Meiosis gone wrong looks like, anyway?"**

**(Both turn simultaneously to stare at Ryuk)**

**Ryuk (Holding canister of fruit flies, shaking itslightly from time to time and tilting his head in bemusement): "What are these, N?"**

**N (Still nonplussed): "Uh … fruit flies."**

**Ryuk: "Like apples? So I can eat them? Do they taste like apples?" (Shakes jar a bit)**

**N (Looking either a little squeamish or positively ill, depending on how kind a mood you're in): "No, Ryuk … they're called fruit flies because they **_**eat**_** fruits like apples."**

**Ryuk (Angry now): "No freaky bugs are going to eat **_**my **_**apples!"**

**(A and N watch riveted as Ryuk begins to torture the fruit flies, popping them and tearing off their legs and wings and watching them flop aimlessly on the table and then swatting them with his Death Note)**

**A (Also green): "Now I'm glad I don't own Death Note, because it would have meant coming up with someone like **_**him."**_

**N: "Agreed. Absolutely."**

**--**

Near huddled uncomfortably on the chair in waiting as Matt argued with the guy at the ticket counter, at the same time keeping a hand on Mello and eyeing him meaningfully every time the black-clothed blonde looked ready to bubble over. "Look, sir, I realize that we need parental permission, but our parents already left the airport and online we're completely registered, so really –"

"I'm afraid there are no exceptions," the snooty guy said, lips curled into a tight, supercilious line as he looked down at the redhead. Near looked over at the matronlike, plump brunette manning the other line and calculated the success percentages if they had gotten her instead – a clear thirty percent above. This person clearly had matching inferiority and superiority complexes, as well as being a borderline perfectionist and a dislike of children that no doubt extended to the animal kingdom as well, most likely caused by a dislike of rude questions and uncleanliness or possibly some sort of childhood trauma. Generally Near would be ecstatic – well, as much as he ever was, anyway – at a chance to actually put his hard-learned skills to use in the outside world, but now they had to get on the flight and there was no time for analysis. His first venture a failure? His and Mello's? Ridiculous. L wouldn't fail this. His successors should do no worse.

Near steeled himself, having predicted the behavior of people for all of his life but still unused to leaving himself exposed and actually emulating it, and got up, shuffling his way over to Matt and Mello in his cumbersomely tight sneakers and rough jeans, manipulating his facial features to make sure they didn't look too awkward as he did this, after having steeled his face to be an emotionless mask for so long.

"Nea – Nate?" Matt corrected himself hastily as he approached, making up for it by giving him a nickname. He didn't notice the tiniest of flinches Near gave at the sound of his true name, but the bored Mello did and wondered what that was about. Got used to the sound of his new name, did he? Had a problem with Matt's obsessive need to nickname everything? "What are you doing over here? We were just finishing up."

"Hmph," the attendant who look like he had something lodged up his ass since his sad, misbegotten birth sniffed, staring down disapprovingly at _his_ best friend's head – as if that sorry bastard who's mother had probably committed adultery with a rich, fat, ugly sultan, his eunuchs, the harem wives, the silk cushions, and the alligator served at that night's feast! He could guess which one this guy came from!

And then, before Mello's startled eyes, Near seemed to _change_, change from the impartial, intelligent first of Wammy's and turn into a cute, wide-eyed, miniscule teddy bear child. His lower lip wobbled just the tiniest bit as he stared up at the man – giving him a position of authority – with his eyes, that seemed to have swelled a bit, and said quietly, "I was growing worried, Matt" – they'd decided Matt could keep his nickname, as it was such a common one and Mello didn't think he'd respond to anything else – "when you and Michael didn't come back over right away like you said you would." Mello felt a little chill run down his spine at the sound of his almost-real name – maybe that was Near's problem? Hah, the possibilities … "What's wrong?"

The clerk, however, blinking a few seconds through his daze, seemed largely undeterred. "Well, young man," he began severely, "it seems that you and your brothers have no written parental consent to be on this plane, and so I am not legally enabled to dispense your tickets. Are they perhaps around, or was your red-headed foster brother perhaps telling the truth, though it would seem to slip so few times from between his lips?" Mello bristled at this guy's self-satisfied smile, having tried to pin down the character of his Matt with no cause and no authority. So what if he was lying? There was good reason, and there was no sure as hell way their parents were in the airport. Hell, they were supposed to be foster brothers! How would they have parents _then?_

Suddenly, Mello had the story. He put a protective, brotherly hand on Near's shoulder – maybe a bit tighter than was called for by the small boy's uncomfortable twitch, but hey, he'd only claimed to be a Catholic, not a saint – tried to project a serious and responsible attitude, and said, "Sorry about this, Nate. Matt just doesn't like to explain. He told you we're foster brothers, Mr. Trenson, right? Well, we don't have parents, and right now we're heading to an orphanage that has agreed to take us in. But only one caretaker could be spared to see us to the airport and they left already – there's a lot of kids to look after and she didn't have much time to spare. If we don't get on the plane the tickets will go to waste and there most likely isn't money for new ones – and we'd kinda be stuck here. I'm really sorry to ask you for an exception …"

The guy seemed to be swaying. Near, picking up on Mello's mental encouragement through some kind of subconscious link (not that he'd want one with _Near, Near _or all people – hell no), looked at Mello then, asking piteously, "We won't be able to … go? But Sally promised I would …"

_Sally?_ Mello internally snorted as the guy started to protest, being cut off by the brunette at her now-empty counter as she leaned across and chided him, "It's obvious they aren't lying, Chris! Not all children are spawn of Satan, you know. Come over here and I'll help you, dears. And Chris won't say anything about it, or I'll know the reason why."

Near blinked up at her and managed a tiny smile, inwardly jubilant –_ his and Mello's ruse had worked! Strange … I never thought we would work so well together …_ He shook the thought free.

Matt, also, didn't fail to notice the thoughts passing between the two. _Something's going on there … _He offered up a harmless grin as he walked back to fetch their bags, purely in besting that guy and being on their way, if Mello or anyone else asked. Perhaps Matt, the newly-christened "love-doctor," would have something to do with it. Though Mello had looked cute, going all responsible and shit … and the way teddy-bear Near said his name … hmm. Maybe this wasn't such a good line of thought to take during the execution of a plan.

Aw, what the hell. Who says genii can't be cute?

--

L had followed the steps of his wards from the start, tracing them from the taxi driver who had stopped at the house to the funds diverted but not concealed from the Wammy's account and used to purchase three plane tickets from Japan. He had decided not to bother investigating at the orphanage and made Watari book a flight there instead; deciding that there was no point in reconfirming the facts. L did mean to start an investigation, though, when this was over. This could merely be the genius equivalent of a childish tantrum, and he wouldn't put it past Mello to do that nor Matt to follow him, but if Near had ... there may be something more seriously wrong with the curriculum than he realized. God knows, not that L believed in any god, that he wanted no one to grow up like _he_ had …

L turned away from the window with a sigh far too small for Watari, the pilot, to hear all the way in the front compartment, turning back to the laptop in front of him that he had configured to do the L commands even without a more enhanced system of backup. It was a long flight, after all, and never let it be said that L shirked a case. The black-haired insomniac reached for his coffee and the sugar cubes, eyes already riveted on the new details, determined that the case would be wrapped up a full half an hour before the plane touched down … he'd stake his solving of his heirs' trail on it.

For was he not L?

And then he'd see about whatever cases Japan had to offer. Hmm … he'd heard things about someone actually competent there …

--

Yagami Raito, the NPA's star detective, sat down at his desk and looked at the latest stack of reports. A new suspicious murder heading the stack jumped out at him immediately – apparently the victim, Takahashi Eichi, had been knifed to death and severely beaten while alone in his penthouse apartment, remaining undiscovered until late the next day. No evidence, either, Raito could see, as he gave the rest of the file a cursory glance-through. Nothing they could do about it, yet, except run it through the forensics team and get a background drawn up for the victim. Chances were it wasn't a serial killer at all; a man as powerful and rich as Takahashi, CEO and main owner of Yotsuba Corp. until today would have a lot of enemies. But something didn't feel quite right about it …

Raito sighed and put it aside for some of the junior members of his team to take another look over and do the background work; very rarely did a case come along that required him to actively participate. Raito went through the new cases, Raito looked at data and made what seemed to the members of his team astounding conclusions, Raito very rarely got to work seriously on a case. He wished he was L, who could turn down any case in the world with impunity and had his pick of countries to choose from. Hell, he wished there was anywhere to go up in his job besides the tiresome positions of Director and Deputy Director that would give him even _less_ interesting work, if possible. But what else could he do that still served the greater good? Nothing. Life was about work and work was boring, to the one that was Yagami Raito. Well, work and his meddling younger sister and her twisted ideas of a "night out," which he had to admit did break the tedium.

Suddenly, a request for connection came through the police computers. "This is Watari. L requests to speak with the detective Yagami Raito, please."

Raito reached for his computer, hitting yes on the station controls. "Yagami Raito speaking. You may connect me to L."

All the screens in the empty office – Raito liked to get there early and go through the initial case reports for the day – turned white, a black, calligraphic L bobbing at him. "Greetings, Yagami-san. I am grateful you are here early."

Raito coughed nervously, unsure of how to go about conversing with a computer screen as he had never dealt with L before, though he had heard of him. "Yes, I like to go over the work for the day. What can I do for you?" Raito ran through the mental checklist of crimes he'd been working on. As far as he was aware of, there was nothing to merit L's involvement …

"I am going to be in the area for a while on personal business, and I would appreciate it if Yagami-san would keep me updated if any crimes of my caliber come up, though no doubt Yagami-san could deal with them himself," the synthetic voice droned, getting straight to the point. "I believed it was polite to notify the local police, though I will be continuing my work abroad and would appreciate Yagami-san keeping this confidential."

"Y-yeah. sure, L," Raito said, nonplussed, "I'll keep an eye out and be sure to notify you. How is the Mafia murder ring case going?"

He was able to relax at L's emotionless stating of further facts and was actually able to have an intelligent conversation with the man, or rather computer, until the other members of the task force arrived, carrying the information and newfound knowledge peaceably within him through the rest of the day and emerging quite happily out into the street.

Which was when, of course, he ran into the white-haired boy.

--

"As the next L, I shall most certainly make my travels in a private jet," Near said, staggering off the little ramp into the bustling, alien airport in the late afternoon and holding onto the wall, having suffered a nasty case of airsickness and a minor panic attack on both takeoff and touchdown.

"I'd have to agree with you there," said Mello, too tired even to get worked up at Near after a nineteen+ hour flight with Matt being of no help whatsoever.

Matt, who had been sulking for the last half hour since the pilot said all portable electronic devices were to be turned off, pulled his out and began working on it furiously as he snickered. "Nate and Mikey, the poor little babies who can't withstand a flight like a man! Dude, I'm just glad you didn't actually puke or it would have gotten ugly."

Mello snarled, taking a weak swipe at him and saying, "I'll puke on _you!_ And put that stupid thing away, Matt, so help me. We need to get a taxi to the hotel and reclaim our bags, so … why don't you and, uh, Nathan, go get our junk while I go to the departure area and flag one down? Meet you at the Terminal 1 Gate." Mello made a hasty departure, wriggling and disappearing seamlessly into the thick crowd of Japanese voices and sounds.

Matt looked at the now largely recovered Near, who had managed to get out his favorite robot and, flying it above his head and making little whooshing sounds, said, "How good would you say your Japanese is, Matt?"

"Whatever I've been able to learn from the non-dubbed Japanese videogames," Matt answered honestly, tucking away his DS with a sigh and standing straighter. "C'mon, Natey-boy, we've got to go get the bags. You can just be the cute lil' prodigy if we need one." Matt ruffled his silvery-white mop of hair, feeling strangely hopeful all of a sudden. "I'm sure it'll be easy enough to spot Mello's …"

--

Matt, tied up with two duffels, his own little backpack, Near, and having just spotted Mello's, the third, looked about in exasperation and decided quickly on a course of action. "Hey, Nea – Nate, sorry, can you wait here with the stuff? I just saw Mello's bag, and he'd kill me if I didn't get it."

"Certainly," Near said, looking up at him wide-eyed as he made a few of the LEGO men he'd rescued from his bag hike over the Artic terrain. "I will wait here for your return."

"Great, thanks, man," Matt said, shedding the bags as he sprinted over to the fat man in a rumpled suit with a harping wife on the phone that was trying to pull off the burgundy leather – who knew they made such a thing – suitcase next to it. Near watched him go, eyes raised. Matt had been better to him than he most likely deserved so far on this journey of theirs, even taking his side against Mello when Mello griped – not to mention having invited him in the first place. Near, never having been taught to weigh kindness in as a variable, was surprised by it, immensely so … but also …

Gratitude? The slightest bit of understanding of how Mello and Matt could be friends while still in competition … it was due to Matt. Maybe there were other things in the world besides just smarts that mattered … ?

As one of his LEGO men, the one with the blank, foolish-looking smiley face, fell off the side of the bag, the proverbial "cliff," Near decided he'd have ponder it.

--

Matt grabbed the suitcase off the metal rack, thunking it to the ground and hoping that none of Mello's precious chocolate had been harmed in the in-flight journey for the airline's sake. He couldn't help but pause at the man whose suitcase was now holding up a few others and the better part of the luggage rack, still trying to assuage who Matt assumed was either his wife or his mistress – did they still have those these days? – but unable to get the suitcase off with one hand. Matt could almost hear Mello's snicker.

"I'm really fine, honey, I promise," the man said, struggling as he tried to edge it out with one flimsy foot. "I took my pills on-flight and everything. No, I didn't touch the airline food. Yes, I ate the trail mix you packed for me. Yes, I sterilized the toilet before going. Of course I didn't watch the in-flight movie, I know you don't want me looking at those blonde bimbos. Yes, I'll make sure not to try any of the native food while I'm here. I should be home in a few days. When exactly? Friday, most likely … I'll get to the airport at 6. No, I don't need you to drive me home, my car's still there. Look, honey, I'm sure no one stole it or wrecked it. If it's hurt I'll call a taxi. Yes, I know that costs money, but what about the gas if you drive all the way out here and my car isn't even hurt? Look, honey, I really need to go … I'm in baggage claim right now …"

Matt snickered again. He really had to share this with Near. Near! He looked back to the pile of bags where he'd left Near again, relieved to see him safe and still peaceably playing with his LEGO action figures. But wait – what was that one kid doing, coming up to Near? He was way too big and mean-looking to want ot play with that stuff!

Matt got over there as quickly as he could, just in time to hear Near say icily, "I don't believe insulting my mental capabilities without a proper diagnostic is in any way accepted or logical, and your hatred of my toys likewise. Perhaps you have a familial trauma to induce such a thing, a father who doesn't pay attention to any of your supposed accomplishments and makes you angry enough to try and sabotage those you perceive to be weaker than yourself's happiness? In such, I will consider this a mere mistake and not attempt to take any sort of legal action concerning assault, theft, or harassment, though some may be inevitably taken in your future by another if you persist in this path. Now, I suggest you leave."

"Yeah," Matt added as the kid swelled up threateningly, using his lankiness and self-assured drawl to his advantage. "No one picks on my baby brother, kid. Get lost."

"Whatever, freaks," he mumbled, scuffing his foot on the floor and running off to go terrorize somebody else. Matt grinned at Near, not knowing the small boy had had so much presence of mind.

Ner, after a moment's shocked hesitation, managed the tiniest smile back, a _true_ smile, as he stared up at Matt and timidly said, "Thank you for your … timely intervention."

"You're welcome, bro," Matt said, swinging his and Matt's bags up onto his shoulders, "But you didn't look like you were doing too poorly yourself."

--

"Now where's the money, Mister?" the kid demanded, facing him defiantly. "You said if I went up to the weird white kid you'd give me ten bucks, and I did. So where is it?"

"Certainly," Beyond Birthday drawled, watching the kid's face go pale as he ever so slowly stretched forward the money, dropping it right as the kid was about to touch it and ignoring his outraged yell. "I've learned what I wanted to, after all." Three suitcases, three boys, three invariably bright children with no parents in site that the records clearly said were fosters with the money drawn from the account for Wammy's Orphanage. B sighed happily. L would come to collect them, he was sure of it. And once he came, the murders would ensure he stayed.

B shuffled off, ready to commit his next murder … but not on the precious darlings, no, not yet. Nor on any with alliterative initials. There were no signs for his murders, now … and he was saving L's children for last …

Well, scratch that. For last he was saving L himself. And this time there would be no mere unsolvable crimes.

"Henh henh henh," B chuckled …

--

"There you guys are!" Mello exclaimed as he waved them over to a taxicab complete with another harried-looking driver, biting into a bar of chocolate as he muttered, "Took long enough, didn't ya? Nathan have to go puke or something?"

"Your bag was the most difficult to find," Near said placidly as he got into the dusty interior of the cab, huddling up against the window and fighting sleep as Matt jumped in after throwing the suitcases in the trunk and Mello continued to harass them as he got in.

"Huh," Mello snorted, offering Matt a square of his chocolate as the redhead pulled out the gaming device from his pocket and turned on an annoying barrage of bleeps and bloops, turning back to stare out the window as Matt coughed and jerked his head. "What, Matt? I thought you didn't want any!"

"_Dude,"_ Matt hissed, "it's polite to offer something to _all_ people in the party. You're being rude even for you, Mikey. Plus, you know chocolate makes me lose concentration. I already need to make up for lost time; my success rate has totally gone down since we left."

"That's why I offer it to you, my man," Mello said, leaning back and letting the reprieve wash over him like air-conditioning or some such thing as it always did; except this time it … didn't. Matt's words bit into him, raising points that he was hard-pressed to ignore: He _was_ being really rude, especially since he'd offered some to Matt. But he was normally rude! But only to stupid people and Near … so if he was rude to stupid people, why would he be rude to Near when Near was as smart as him? Because …

Mello growled and admitted it. He was jealous, of course, and didn't want Near here at all, let alone eating his chocolate. But really … just how low was he, then? He couldn't even offer his rival a square of chocolate … ?

"Uh …" Mello said, knowing the moment had passed but feeling like he had to try anyway, "Nathan … do you want some of my chocolate?"

"No, thank you, Michael," Near said in that emotionless way of his, not even turning away from the window to refuse. "It was polite of you to offer."

Mello, fuming and his self-introspection blown over in a blur of anger, didn't notice the tiny smile Near had turned away to hide. But Matt did.

--

Raito stared at the boy, now noticing the other two getting their bags out of a taxicab and arguing as the blonde finally paid and it pulled away, as the boy stared unblink- ingly back up at him, clutching two little LEGO men in one hand and seemingly content to stand there forever.

Raito coughed and was about to speak when one of the other boys, the blonde one, called, "Come _on_, Nathan! This is the hotel! Now haul your ass back up here and get this bag!"

He frowned as the supposed Nathan shuffled away again, his detective's senses beginning to spin. There was no way three boys of that size and probable age would have a legitimate reason for going into that hotel alone – which meant they were, most likely, runaways that had found some way to get money. Hopefully not illegal.

Raito decided to take them in, especially because they didn't look from around here. He didn't want to know how to ground three foreign boys could go around here, or worse, how much trouble they could stumble into.

The three of them were almost indoors now, the blonde still complaining and the redhead dully answering – Raito made sure they didn't notice as he got close to the white-haired one again, figuring he'd be the least likely to kick or make a fuss and the other two wouldn't run away and leave him behind, correctly so. He grabbed onto the small one's shoulder and a bit of his collar as he said pleasantly, "I'm taking you three runaways into custody. I suggest you cooperate so we can get you back to your parents, whoever they may be. You look like you've come a long way."

At the way their shoulders slumped and the boys followed him without running or otherwise assault, Raito felt a brief glimpse of triumph.

Too bad it was so short-lived.

--

Two hours later, the "visitors" (as he liked to think of them) had said exactly nothing, notwithstanding the blonde's curses and the redhead's briefly muttered "thank-you" when he'd had Matsuda bring them some food. The ticket stubs they'd had on them had been somewhat more satisfying, yielding that they were purchased by the funds of some orphanage named Wammy's, but – and this puzzled Raito to no end – there didn't seem to be such a place in existence! How was that possible, especially for one of his skills?

Raito resigned himself to what he was going to have to do, and really, this morning's call had rendered it shockingly easy. The only person who might be able to know when he didn't was L, and L had asked him just this morning to be kept alert of anything interesting. He hit the connection, bypassing Watari and the various formalities with ease. Finally L was on the screen, and Raito got the feeling that he was watching in puzzlement.

"Something so soon, Yagami-san?"

"Yes, actually. I've apprehended three strange runaways, children, whose tickets seem to have been purchased from an institution that doesn't exist …"

--

"Yes, I see, Yagami-san. An agent of mine will be there to collect them shortly," L said, terminating the connection and turning back to survey the darkness of his hotel room in a distraught silence. They'd been found, and unharmed, but … at the price of alerting possibly the best detective in the world ignoring him discovering Wammy's, even just as an orphanage for the gifted largely unrelated to L?

One thing was for sure, Yagami-san had very keen abilities of perception, to apprehend them on the spot and be able to discover even that much. He may be a useful person indeed …

"Watari," L said, calling him from the next room, "Prepare the car. I believe I will be going to pick up the three trouble some miscreants myself."

"Yes, sir," Watari said, wisely choosing to keep his thoughts to himself. Though he did wonder about a certain two detectives …

--

**Yes … you see, even some B in there, and I hastened along the plot. My new name just occurred to me in the shower today, strangely enough, and there's a new Random Rhetorical Question on my profile.**

**Next up on the writing schedule is a OneShot crack!fic where Misa is the doomed Cinderella, L and Near her two stepbrothers, Raito obviously the prince, Takada her hateful stepmother, Hal Lidner her old mother, Rem her fairy godmother, and Mikami her rivaling in obsession with the prince dad … not to mention Ryuk the overstuffed cat, Ide, Matsuda, Aizawa, and Ukita, the horses/mice, the footman/rat Mogi, and the "cute" little cursing birdies Mello and Matt … note. Does not end happily for Misa, in case any of you were worried whatsoever. L comes in to collect her, he and the prince hook up, and she trips over Ryuk's scratching post and dies on the day of their wedding. Lolz. **

**Review … and after that, on to We Wish You a Wammy Christmas fluff! **

**Ryuk: "N! Stop holding the apple away! I'm trying to eat it!"**

**N: "Not over my computer you're not, Ryuk. Yesterday the main one crashed and word wouldn't work and that's why this chapter is (to the author) late. No way you're messing up the laptop, too."**

**Ryuk: "Well, I guess all you watching people out there should review … she gives me an apple for each one, and it's funny to watch her check her e-mail insanely every few minutes!"**

**N: "Shut up, Ryuk. **_**Now.**_** Or, so help me, I will send you back to the shinigami realm and confiscate both your Death Notes so that you will **_**never**_** see another apple aga –"**

**Ryuk: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

**Yeah. So pay no mind to Ryuk's screams (longest record I've ever had is three days, but Light says he's done longer) and review.**

**-N**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Happy New Year! Past midnight; have to go to bed. Sorry there's no B. No time for a long disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: Ryuk: "Yay! The new year! Now why don't people throw apples instead of confetti?"**

**N (rolls eyes): "Because people would get concussions and the apples would get bruised, Ryuk. I still don't own Death Note."**

--

Near shifted, anxious. Matt noticed and gave him a comforting glance. They'd been waiting in this interrogation room for at the very least two hours, Raito had been in and out asking them questions that none of them replied to and, the last time he'd visited, had informed them that a representative from their orphanage – _now just how had he found out about that? – _would be coming to collect them shortly. It had to be L coming, or Watari, or … one of L's agents working in Japan. No one actually from the orphanage could have gotten here in so short a time – but L would have deduced it easily.

"S'okay, Natey," Matt muttered, still going by the fake names, sending a shiver down Near's spine. He'd thought his real name buried, unused for so long. It was disconcerting to have the old weaknesses reattached to him in such a manner. "I'm sure he'll be here soon. He wouldn't let just anyone pick us up."

"He could have used Wammy," Mello whispered leaning forward to make sure that his lips were out of the line of sight of the forward-facing camera, and looking conspiratorily at Near and Matt as he hid the fear even he was feeling and asked, "How do you think he's gonna punish us? I mean … this is L. We could've died out there, and now Japan's star detective found out about the orphanage. We're pretty much screwed."

"Michael!" Matt hissed, remembering his name at the last second he normally used before deciding it was really worth the risk to reprimand Mello, continuing with a glance at Near, "There's no reason to get us all worked up. I mean, what can L do to us? We're his heirs and shit. He'll probably applaud our bravery."

"I agree with Michael," Near said formally, face revealing none of his emotions as he looked down, "L will most certainly not applaud us getting caught so easily. How did you two decide on Japan, anyway? I must confess, a hotel next to the center of the NPA did not seem chosen in the best taste."

"Yeah, well, how was I supposed to know?" Matt said, shrugging. "I didn't notice Mikey here saying anything about a star detective when I picked it. I just thought Japan would be cool, y'know, the other side of the world and an island and all the samurai and all that. Too bad we didn't get to do any touristy stuff, since we got all the way here. D'you think whoever picks us up will take us?"

Mello rolled his eyes. "Hell, Matt, that's pushing optimism even for you. What'd you do, get your hands on some pot in the airplane bathroom or something? Besides, dumbass, we _live_ on a fucking island. What do you think England is?"

"It's too big to act like a real island, asshole," Matt retorted, spreading his hands wide, "even though Japan isn't as much like one as I though it'd be. You think we should have gone to Hawaii or the Bahamas instead? What about the Caribbean? C'mon, Natey, help me plan our next trip. Maybe we can invite_ him_ next time, too."

"This isn't a vacation, Matt," Mello snapped, grabbing a piece of chocolate from his returned bag and chomping on it regularly only to cough on the unremoved wrapper. "Come on, we were just running away! And seriously, dude, Japan is random. I mean, if you wanted tourist stuff over here, wouldn't you just hit the Great Wall or something?"

"Perhaps Matt heard of the Japanese style in art and wished to see it in its original form," Near commented unconcernedly, making a minor domino chain palace on the interrogation room table, "I've heard that the style is unique here. Such as – I believe they call it – yaoi and yuri that are looked down upon by other cultural powers in the modern world?" He moved aside the remains of the microwave food Matsuda had brought them to continue stacking his dominoes.

Mello choked on his chocolate, wheezing and nearly spitting out the piece as he said disbelievingly, "Matt, did he just – what I think? _Near?"_

"Wrong name, Mikey," Matt said, looking a little stunned himself. "But, seriously, Natey – you like that kind of thing?"

Near looked up at them, unfazed. "I never professed to such a thing. I merely came across some references at a Japanese toy site, and wondered if you or Mello would be into such a thing. It was merely curiosity."

Matt blushed. "Aw, gee … if even you suspect we're into stuff … this is why I don't want you dressing in leather, Mell."

"What? No more Mikey?"

Matt waved a hand. "Like you said, we're screwed anyway, and I'm bored of them. Whoever comes won't know our fakes, so who cares? Besides, you don't look like a Mikey, Mells."

"If it's _him,_ then he would," Near said stiffly, prompted into speaking at the implied insult to L, "though, really, I was getting tired of the nickname. You were lucky, Matt, to receive a normal name. I am afraid Mello was given quite the misnomer."

"No one asked _you,_ brat," Mello retorted, the sugar rush from the chocolate giving him some of the old hating energy, "and besides, what kind of name is Near? It makes a lot less sense than an attribute, no matter which. There's nothing we can do about L's freakish bad taste in names."

"Maybe he just likes jokes," Matt said sagely, grabbing the barely nibbled on piece of Near's frozen pizza and chomping down, orange goggles glinting in the white lights. "I mean, you two don't look exactly normal, by anybody's standards. Well, maybe L's, who knows what he thinks? Hey, Near, I'll play you in a star battle. You can use the white DS."

Near nodded stiffly, concealing a hint of eagerness. "As long as it's the white one." He carefully placed the last domino, the chain leading up a set of temple-like stairs, and surveyed it briefly in satisfaction. As Matt handed him the white DS that had helped him pass some surprisingly entertaining hours on the plane, Mello groaned.

"Why does the pipsqueak get to play and not me? And seriously, Near, you're just going to leave your dominos there, right after you finished setting them up? You're not even going to topple one over?" This all said in considerable tones of disgust.

"You broke my old black DS on a star battle, Mello, may Spot live in peace," Matt said, a tiny bit miffed as he remembered, turning his on and raising the stylus like a famed surgeon demonstrating open-heart surgery. "No way I'm trusting you with more electronics. At least Near doesn't break them and punch me in the face when he loses, as all must to the God of Videogames. At least Japan still has microwave pizza. Ha! Take that, Mario!"

"Perhaps you should concentrate more on retrieving the stars and less on permanently crippling my character, Matt," Near said, slightly muffled by the way he was turned into the screen, "or you may lose your high score and illustrious title. To answer your question, Mello, if I knocked it down then I would have no stack and have wasted the achievement of an entire fifteen minutes of my life. I will not touch it until there is no further opportunity, which makes the final crash much more satisfying when my patience has been tested past all limits of human endurance. I once went for two weeks without touching one until a robot accidentally fell from my bed onto it, but I doubt this one will remain that long. They do not often permit things to remain untouched in interrogation rooms."

Mello threw up his hands in disgust. "Ugh, I wish we _did _go to the Caribbean or somewhere. At least then I could enjoy my chocolate with a better view than interrogation room and throw Near in the water. This fucking sucks."

"Be nice, Mells," Matt admonished, also without looking up in the manner that never failed to irritate the blonde. "And try to control yourself, please; remember, there are cameras and this is a police building. I doubt you'll be able to get away with assault and maiming here and not get caught, despite your genius. Just take a deep breath and eat some more chocolate."

Mello raised a hand, looked at it as the implications of Matt's offhand statement caught up to him, and painstakingly lowered it while he took another vicious chomp of his chocolate. Damn best friends with their damn too-knowing ways and their damn fetishes for freaky albino brats that wouldn't even knock over a damn domino line.

Raito, watching all of this through the security cameras, found it rather strange indeed.

--

In the seven approximate minutes it took for Watari to get the car, pull it up to the curb, and ride the elevator up thirteen floors to tell him about it, L had transformed. Transformed meaning a black coat over his usual attire, a pair of battered sneakers he hated to use, and a driver's license, passport, and ID that identified himself as one Rue Ryuzaki, an agent of L's currently stationed in Japan. Come to pick up the children and deliver them safely home, possibly to assist in future cases. L was glad he'd brought his favorite fallback ID, because, really, it was the only one when he was allowed to be as much like himself as he ever could to one as smart as Raito Yagami. Or rather, being in Japan, one Yagami Raito.

L drove the car himself, a rarity. He much preferred letting his mind drift, utilizing the precious thought-time even car rides provided, but this was no time to risk Watari's identity as well, with the discovery of the orphanage. He would be speaking to Near, Mello, and Matt about that, though it had probably been Mello's idea and Matt's execution. But he had misjudged Near, clearly, if he had gone along with it. Did he wish that desperately to be accepted? Why had they run in the first place? Perhaps Wammy's stimulation and environment was not all that it should be, and they could hardly come to Roger about it. L, while knowing Roger was an excellent steward, considered it more likely for him to merely dismiss them and not mention it. His hatred of children, especially ones that acted too smart for their own good, was well known.

So L was expecting any sort of reason, any sort of state of things. He was expecting the questions of Yagami. He was expecting to have to come up with a punishment for Near and Mello and take on a new case.

He wasn't expecting, however, that the case would be in Japan, or that the perpetrator would be B.

--

Raito stared at the hunched, slight man before him who gazed inquisitively up through onyx eyes, shouldering his way through the door in a brusque manner as he pulled out an ID and said, "Ryuzaki Rue. I'm L's agent, here for the charges. Are they unharmed?"

"Yes, I gave them a perfunctory examination, and they were fine," Raito nodded, a bit perturbed by this Ryuzaki's directness. He didn't seem to care who he was, or perhaps he already knew? He was an agent of L's, after all, and who knew what his instructions had been. Raito did, a fact he was rather proud of, happen to possess the only head of perfect auburn hair in the entire NPA, though a few had given dye a try with disastrous results. "Not talking much, certainly, or at least not to myself, but they had a minor conversation alone a few minutes ago. They seem to argue a lot, and apparently they were using fake names."

L nodded, knowing it was only to be expected that they'd revert earlier in case it was not him picking them up and instead someone less skilled. It didn't matter much, anyway; they'd be outside of Yagami's sphere of influence in a few minutes and he'd eventually have to give up his new curiosity. All L had to do was make sure that he collected his heirs, didn't give anything more away, and fly them home himself. It was abother, really, but he spent precious little time with them, and there was no one he could trust to take them except Watari, who he needed to serve as his connection to the outside world and so without would be useless, anyway. "I would expect nothing less from them. May I see them?"

Raito inclined his head, gesturing to the downward passage into the interrogation corridor as he led the way for Ryuzaki, who seemed to be somewhat uneasy walking through the corridor as he slouched, eyes surveying everything intently with an almost childish edge of pleasure. "Here we are. They're just inside. You'll notify me when you wish to leave … ?"

"Of course," Ryuzaki said firmly, entering the room and shutting the door behind him. "L gives his regards and thanks you for their safe return."

Raito didn't answer, seeing as the door was clearly closed. Besides, he had to get back to the security cameras. Spying on someone connected with L and his three mysterious charges probably wasn't the wisest, of course, but he didn't get to be the top detective in all Japan by suppressing his curiosity. That Ryuzaki was a very mysterious figure. And those eyes … well, he'd just have to watch and that was that.

He returned to witness the following scene …

--

L entered the room, looking around and riveted instantly to his heirs. "Near. Mello. Matt. Are any of you harmed?"

"No, sir," they chorused dully, not knowing what to call him this time. Near got out of his chair faster than should have been possible, reaching around to throw his arms around L's waist. "You came! I apologize for the discomfort we've offered."

"You can call me Ryuzaki," L said, extricating himself gingerly and looking over the little white boy carefully, "and I'll be escorting you back to England. Now, do you have anything to say yourselves? Why did you run away?"

"Aw, Ryuzaki," Mello said, by now at his side and pushing away Near to look up at him beseechingly, "it was boring there. There's nothing to do, and besides, me and Matt realized that we don't really know much at all about the world. We wanted to learn a little before it was too late, and Matt here came up with the bright idea to take little room-living Near along."

L frowned. "I see. Matt, I shall assume your reasoning is similar as well. We'll decide on your punishment on the way back, and …" He hesitated. "Have you learned anything new? One thing from each of you, please. Matt, why don't you go first."

Matt, flipping shut his DS, snickered and said, "I learned that even Near and Mello can get along, if they're around each other enough. Also that Near's a mean opponent in Mario star battles."

"I see. Mello?"

"I've learned that we haven't learned anything yet, really," Mello said, stuffing his hands into his pockets unconsciously in an effort to find both reassurance and chocolate, "I mean, we barely saw anything. But there's so much out here – too bad we didn't get a chance to see the rest. But it was cool, wasn't it, while it lasted? Matt? Near?"

"Yeah, man."

"I have to agree."

"And Near?"

"I've learned that one can't learn everything from toys or simulations. I see … that sometimes company … can actually be pleasant." Near seemed reluctant to admit it, twisting to the side of L's gaze, one curl of hair turning beneath his hand. He went back to his stack of dominos, reinspected it.

"Thank you for your insights, boys," L said, coming to a decision that had been plaguing him ever since he first heard of their disappearance. Would it really be so wrong to show them a little more? "I think we shall stay here a little longer, and I'm sure L will approve it. How do you feel about a vacation in Japan?"

"That," Matt said, turning to look at L, "sounds fucking awesome."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm insane, I'm insanely late, I'm on insanely late on the family computer, I changed my name again, and Ryuk's mad at me for not writing. And this chapter's really short. **

**Disclaimer: Ryuk: "I'm not saying it this time. N's too lazy to write and to give me apples on her own. Meanie."**

**N: "Say it, Ryuk, or I won't post this chapter and you will probably NEVER see an apple again. You remember what happened the last time we had this little argument."**

**Ryuk: "No! You can't leave me with Matsuda again! He buys Gala apples, and always beats me at Wii Fit!"**

**N: "Or L and Raito next time, big boy. Now say it."**

**Ryuk: "Fine. N doesn't own Death Note and she never will. Can I get an apple?"**

**N: "No."**

**Ryuk: "Fine."**

**Ryuk (three seconds later): "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"**

**N: "No."**

--

"Oh man, this is fucking awesome!" Mello bounced up and down on the bed to make his rosary go up and down, blonde hair swirling as he looked about the hotel room gleefully. "Matt, get your head out of the game, you can do that anywhere and you've probably beaten it five times already! We're in a hotel room!"

"It's just a tasteless room with two mediocre paintings of generic landscapes, stiff comforters, that doesn't even bear a central light on the ceiling," Matt muttered, going for blasé about the whole thing. To tell the truth, he really didn't care where he was as long as he was warm and safe and not at Wammy's and had Mello with him, and Near was pretty cool too. Though … now he'd have to compete for both of their attentions with L …

It wasn't that Matt didn't admire L, it was just that since he was only third and barely even considered for his "lack of motivation," L had no time for him. Mello and Near wanted time with him, which left Matt alone … well, really, this was the second time he'd met L, and the last time he'd been allowed to see him in private and he even told him some things about Mello and love. It was just …

Matt threw down his game with a sigh, not even looking as his character screamed and fell off a giant cliff only to be impaled by razor-sharp poison-tipped spikes and then have their corpse crushed by the other rock and looted by a little blue monster he normally would have used to wipe his boots with. "C'mon then, Mells. Let's go explore."

"Maybe L will take us somewhere," Mello said immediately, hopping off the bed and looking at him impatiently, his body already turned halfway to the door. "C'mon, Matt, maybe we can go to the movies or an actual museum or stores or something! I bet that L will get us – hey, where'd that brat near go?"

Matt looked around. "Was he even in here with us? Oh, yeah, he was, I remember – he just got up and left sometime, took two of his robots with him. Thought you wouldn't've noticed, but I guess not. Where do you think he went?"

"Better not be in L's room," Mello grumbled, shoving open the door. "Make sure and grab the cardkey."

In fact, Matt was pretty sure he was, unless he'd decided to give running away a second try, which without them and in the presence of L Matt doubted. He knew Mello would realize this, when they got there, or even if he thought it through. He knew that he should feel amused about the whole thing, and watch Mello throw a giant hissy fit at Near and L.

So why did he feel more betrayed?

--

Near had, in fact, gone straight to L. He'd enjoyed hanging out with Matt and even Mello while it lasted, but really, now that L was here, he knew it couldn't be the same. And he hadn't seen L in so long. He wondered how he'd feel about them running off, being distracted from his latest cases … but after all he'd agreed to let them stay he might not be so angry, and maybe he'd even let Near help. Or play with him, like he used to. He hadn't bought many toys, but maybe L would have Watari get them some …

Near was brought out of his thoughts with the sudden terrible obstacle of L's door. He raised his hand to walk, considering the pale service with its marbled veins and trying to stop it from trembling, though the disassociation he'd formed between his brain and his body through long force of practice to control his blushing now seemed to be working against him. _Move, _he told his hand. It stubbornly refused to listen. He used his other hand to slap it delicately.

If he'd been Mello, he would have kicked down the door by now. Why couldn't he make his hand connect with the smooth surface of the door? At was it that made him so different? Near couldn't help but ponder, though he knew the answers, multitudes of them, had seen them from the very first day he came when Mello first dismissed him – as if he had every right in the world to do so – and later treated the competition between them as if it were the divining point of his life, which Near supposed it was. Mello didn't have doubts, or if he did, he expressed them. Mello wasn't afraid of even L's anger, but then again, Mello didn't have to seek him out. Because Mello had Matt. But Near didn't need –

L opened the door on him, black eyes staring intently so that Near feared he'd be lost and hair in, as always, a wild disarray. He'd once confided to Near that part of the reason he looked so much of a disarray was on purpose – the world was not his, he'd said, besides what he must guard, so why bow to its expectations when no one would know he followed them? Now he seemed to stare.

"Um – can I – come in?" Near squeaked, cursing the way his voice always betrayed him. He couldn't say what he wanted to Mello or Matt, could barely speak to L – what good was having such a great brain if it refused to _do _anything? Maybe he'd ask L, when he'd stopped trembling.

"Of course," L said, stepping away from the door and gesturing with a graceful, tapering hand of pale fingers. "Come in, Near. You wish to talk?"

"Um. Yes."

"Good. I was wishing for an explanation myself. I have sent Watari away to get the essential supplies we will be needing for our stay, disregarding the length."

Near hunched himself on the ordinary hotel bed, feet digging into the soft blanket – L had already discarded the comforter and mussed the sheets. He was sitting on L's bed. The thought gave him enough confidence to ask, "Essentials in your way of thinking, or Watari's?"

L smiled. "Both," he said. "Toothbrushes, which I had forgotten in my haste, and sweets so we need him. I also instructed him to find some new toys for you and a game for Matt, to make sure that you have an ideal place to recuperate. I realize that the first time you are out in the world may be a little stressful for you all."

Near let out a little sigh. "It doesn't seem that way, not for Matt and Mello. Am I just so much weaker, L? Has so much gone to my brain that there's nothing left for the rest of me? Mello always seems so jealous, but he's got a friend good enough to run away with him and a life outside of Wammy's that he sees. No one needs me, really, and if I wasn't the first I'd have nothing. Is that what it means to be L, L? Giving up everything to be justice, like you did? Sorry, no, I didn't mean that, I – "

"It's a perfectly understandable viewpoint," L said, crumbling a sugar cube between two fingertips. "I feel alone myself, sometimes, and to be L is a life filled with hardship. People do need you, Near, and I think you'd be surprised to know who the first of them are. You're vey different from Matt and Mello, it's true – but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I believe this trip will be a good experience for you." He paused, licked the last sugar cube crumbs off his thumb, and added, "And Mello is not always to be envied. He is the energy of the chase, true, but that means he can never be content. Someday he'll realize that his greatest enemy is himself."

"…" What could Near say to that? L was always right, and he somehow knew what comfort was. L smiled at him again, reaching out to give the small white-bundled boy a careful embrace.

"I think I have a few toys already here."

What could Near say to that?

--

"Ryuzaki!" Knocking resembling machine-gun fire. "Open the goddamn door, Ryuzaki! Me and Matt are bored!"

A sigh. "The door will be open momentarily, and if it is injured or marked in any way, a certain person whose name starts with an M will be reduced to kicking the doors in Wammy's while I spend time with Matt and Near."

"No way!" Mello's pout was in full force by the time L finally opened the door, the poor boy whining, "Aw, Ryuuzaki, you know I didn't – HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?!?!?"

"There's no call for such language, Mello," reproved L, mildly enough as he stepped wisely aside. "Near was merely keeping me company."

Mello reverted to sulking as quickly as he'd grown enraged, from attack dog on an intruder's trail to naughty puppy in a second. "Stupid Near," he grumbled. "Always hogging you. Why don't we ever get any time alone?"

"Perhaps because you're always with Matt," Near offered from the floor quietly, rearranging all the puzzle pieces on the floor into a hexagonal lace pattern. "You did, after all, have every opportunity I had to seek L out in the last few hours. Or would you merely call yourself forgetful?"

"Why, you – "

"That will be enough, Mello," L said calmly. "Watari is not yet back with our supplies or the car, and so we shall be watching a video. I have also invited Yagami Raito as a gesture of thanks, so you would be advised not to let anything slip not in keeping with our cover story. He shall be arriving in"—L looked at the clock—"approximately five seconds."

"There's no way you could know that from the hotel clock," Matt said, snorting, in his self-appointed role of Supreme Technical Authority. "It's way too imprecise, and a minute slow besides. Why the hell would you say that, L?"

L looked at him. "You have been tainted by Mello, Matt. Such language is unbecoming. And I merely glanced at the clock so you three would feel unperturbed when I was right, but I see such a deception is pointless now."

And indeed, one second later (making precisely five, if there had been an invisible counter) the brisk, timely knock of Yagami Raito was heard to grace the door. "I will be with you in a moment, Yagami-san," Ryuzaki called out as he moved over to anser the door. "Thank you for coming."

Raito should have been more worried at the intentness of his expression. Or, possibly, the sounds of bickering already coming from the inside of the hotel room.

--

**Review. For Ryuk (not that I care). Crack appreciated, and if you'd like to give me verbal varieties of adhesives to stick me to the computer to get me to write, I wish you the best of luck. (Note: Ryuk already tried gum, peanut butter, and threatening me with his Death Note. I have created a new space called time out for him, which involves banishment to either the Shinigami Kingdom or, for even worse offenses, L and Light's new apartment. L refuses to let in apples.)**

**Ryuk: "You're no fun. At least Light was a homicidal maniac."**

**N: "Would you like me to become one?"**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, apparently you all love this story, even though hardly anyone actually reviews more than once. Evil people (pouts). If you don't know what to say, then tell Ryuk how many apples you'd like to give him and why. No prize offered other than a mention next chappy to the ones I like best.**

**Well, that is a prize, isn't it?**

**So review. Sorry it's a bit short, but I thought you'd like it today so I can start another one on the teacher work day tomorrow.**

**Disclaimer: N: "You know, Ryuk, I never thought about it. Why don't **_**you **_**own Death Note?"**

**Ryuk (fidgets uncomfortably): "Uh, well, y'see, I'm kinda just a figment. I'm only real to people who think like that, and I didn't invent Death Note."**

**N: "Well, I didn't invent it either (all rights go to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata for drawings, characters, plotline, and content) but I'm still real. Wait – YOU MEAN I'M JUST IMAGINING YOU'RE THERE? THEN WHERE DO THE APPLES GO WHEN I FEED THEM TO YOU?!"**

**Ryuk: "Uh … my stomach?"**

**N (groans): "I'm insane and an apple waster. And neither Ryuk or I own Death Note."**

**Ryuk: "But I now own surface rights coverage for your computer screen … the price is an apple per minute."**

**N: "Get off the computer screen, Ryuk. I will kill you, figment or no."**

**Ryuk (gulp): "Okay …"**

--

"Transformers," Near insisted stubbornly, clutching the DVD to his chest as he glared up at Mello. "I refuse to watch your horrendous thing."

"_Mine?" _Mello hissed, gesturing wildly in the air with both his preferred DVD and one of a magically regenerating supply of chocolate bars that he insisted was the work of the elves (well, I suppose you could call Matt one of those). "Transformers was one of the only fucking movies you _watched _back at the orphanage! You had the entire playroom to yourself, anyway! I want to watch Willy Wonka, and not the crappy new version!"

Matt snorted, having long since figured even Spiderman 3 the extended version wasn't worth getting in the middle of this catfight, and worse, losing the chance to check out Mello and Near simultaneously while they were flushed and too busy to notice. "You just like the old one for the chocolate pics, Mells, though I have to say the new one's cooler. I mean, Johnny Depp over that old guy? Given."

"Shut it, Matt," Mello snarled, cuffing him on the shoulder and making his finger slip off the A button in the middle of a boss battle, which shortly led to his ultimate doom. "And there's no way we're watching fucking Transformers."

"Then there is no way we are watching either of the versions of Willy Wonka, as well," Near replied stiffly, twirling a lock of hair around his finger in what for him could be considered high dudgeon.

"And who asked _you?"_

"In the presence of idiocy I feel compelled to give my opinion, asked for or not."

"You're going to pay for that, you little – "

"Step away from the kid, Mells. Drop your weapons. I repeat, drop your weapons."

"WHY YOU TRAITOROUS LITTLE – "

"That will be enough." L spoke flatly.

Mello quieted immediately at the emotionless ((Cough))DEATH LEVEL THREE((Cough)) tone in his voice, pouting cutely as he said, "But Ryuzaki, Near's being unreasonable. Now what are we supposed to watch?"

"If you all cannot decide in a peaceable manner, then Yagami-san and I will choose," L said, nibbling meditatively upon his thumb while Raito looked at him strangely. "Do you have any ideas, Yagami-san?"

"… Not particularly." All detective movies were pretty much lame and solvable, romances lame and formulaic, and special effects lame and very easily constructed indeed. Yagami Raito was not a fan of movies.

"Hmm." L fished an old sugar cube out of his pocket that had somehow lodged there over the transpacific journey and escaped the brutal genocide of its brethren much, much earlier, though L had known it was there. He always did. "How about … Brokeback Mountain?"

"…"

"God, man, Ryuzaki sure knows how to do it. And by do it I mean _do it, _if you know what I mean. Go get the man-meat, tiger. Rawr."

"… Matt, shut the fuck up."

"… um, Ryuzaki … have you forgotten … that we're supposed to be watching a movie with _kids?"_

Three pairs of unblinking eyes stared up at him, though Mello was still obnoxiously chomping on chocolate and it was kind of hard to tell with Matt's goggles.

"Oh, yes," L said, brought back from dreams of the sugarcube tasting just like Raito's tongue and into a decidedly less delicious reality. "Perhaps we should save it for later, then." A drop of sweat slid down the beautiful bronze god-face of one Yagami Raito at that. "How about … erm … Tigger's Grand Adventure?"

There was a mutual sweatdrop at that one.

L, being so out-of-touch it wasn't even funny, had caught the commercials on the in-flight TV on the way in.

"Fuck this, let's let Shining pick," Mello said authoritatively, borrowing Matt's nickname for him. Matt was a great fan of the Shining, and only wished they had thought to make a videogame of such freakish carnage. "Well?"

"Fine," Raito said, used to a position of control. "Let's watch … uh … Kung Fu Panda." To the credit of the Wammy boys' tolerance (which most thought was severely lacking, which was funny considering that those were the people who, along with the rest of the world, they had to tolerate) there were no groans to be heard. Well, there was food, right? Stuff to mock. Cool fighters. And a fat, fat, fat panda, which everyone greatly enjoyed teasing L – they meant _Ryuzaki _– about. L wished they had just watched Brokeback Mountain. Or maybe Willy Wonka. Mm, a whole factory of different types of fantastical candy …

After the delicious piece of ass-cake (perhaps L was the _tiniest _bit over-obsessed with cake) that was the star detective Yagami Raito "Shining" (new official detective nickname, courtesy of Matt) had backed out the door with life, limb, and sanity narrowly intact, L sent the three boys back to their room – with a warning not to fight too much over the beds or things like nightlights and such – and settled down to a piece of post-date cake. Yum yum, cheesecake. He'd never had the authentic Japanese style before. It was a good thing Watari had had the sense not to come in dressed in his L-erranding manner, or the ruse would have been ruined … hot as ever did walk the earth without burning through to the center Yagami Raito may be, but he was nothing less than a genius deductive power, which in L's mind made him all the more suitable. Well, he was probably one of the only four people in the world who could fully keep up with him … the three others being his heirs and thus unfit for a relationship …

Raito was decadent indeed. Mm. Like this scrumptious cheesecake … but with more strawberries …

--

Yagami Raito did not want anything to do with those strange children or their caretaker, the mysterious and apparently flaming gay Ryuzaki. He did not want to have to deal with the enigmatic and seemingly omniscient L, possessor of so many secrets. To be frank he wanted his old, ordinary, pointless, absolutely meaningless and purposeless existence back, a life of endless tedium. Not that most of his colleagues would so much as know what tedium means.

But yet he found himself calling in the rest of the day as vacation time he had never used except for the weeklong obligatory retreat with his family every year, walking out the door on an invitation to go visit the beach for a long weekend with Ryuzaki and his charges and not even caring about the second mysterious murder that looked like it was done by yesterday's killer, which meant this was most likely a serial. There were a few of the obvious signs, after all …

But no. He was going to the beach. For a weekend. With Matt, Mello, and Near. Not to mention _Ryuzaki. _

Good lord, what was he going to tell his father when he called to ask why he walked out of work?

--

Near glared at Matt and Mello, both for once simultaneously away from their vices and _not _performing amorous acts, who were standing in front of him with their hands crossed over their scrawny boys' chests. "No," he repeated firmly. "I will not be wearing that – that _thing _of a swimsuit Watari has so erroneously picked out for me, and I will not be packing it, either. Feel free to go back to your business."

"Oh," Mello started to say, reaching out a finger to jab into his lithe frame, "you are going to – "

"Nah," Matt said easily, slinging his arm into a restraint about Mello," that's fine, Neary-boy. You still need to get the rest of your chocolate to pack from L, Mells," he said, leading him away. Near, of course, noticed the fact that he slipped the telltale swimsuit into his bursting electronic junk-heap of a suitcase on the way out. But he didn't say anything.

Why?

Not that he was going to wear it or anything, but he sort of liked being taken care of.

As long as it was Matt doing it.

--

**So yeah, review, and I'll try to get another chapter out this week. You can also tell me which pairing you'd like to see most displayed in the story at this current stage. **

**-N**

**Ryuk: "You didn't sign your name like that last chapter, did you?"**

**N: "You know I was rushed, and your incessant whining pleas for an apple weren't helping either. Can't you just let me finish the chapter and thank all my wonderful alerters, favoriters, and reviewers?"**

**Ryuk: "If you give me an apple for it …"**

**N (shakes head): "One day we should lock you and Mello in a steel vault together with no weapons, apples, or chocolate, and see who gets killed first. We can have the other shinigami stand guard and take away your notebook."**

**Ryuk (pouting): "Damn. Do I have to strangle him with my bare hands or something?"**

**N: "Preferably not, Ryuk. Then Matt and Near would come after you, as well as L."**

**Ryuk: "I hope the reviewers are nicer than you are."**

**N: "I can't believe I'm saying this … but I hope you prove Ryuk right. People like me are not good for this world."**

**Ryuk: "You just want the reviews."**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow, I'm updating quick. Actual plot development in this one, which means more B for you, folks. Beach fluff next time, I promise. And thank you so much to all of my wonderful reviewers from last chapter, including ZR and ABKZ, SBN and SQN. I bet the people themselves don't even know who those are. Not to mention RF, who is perfectly right.**

**And Ryuk loved all the apples.**

**Disclaimer: Ryuk: "Finally you're writing again. It better be a snow day tomorrow, 'cause this All-County thing of yours sounds **_**booooooooo-rink. **_**Plus, I like to watch you checking your email throughout the day to see if you have to give me any apples."**

**N (irritated cough): "I believe I specifically asked you not to mention that, Ryuk. Or rather told you. Were you going to start on the disclaimer, or should I start talking about why in the world you would say 'heaven' and 'hell' and if they directly translated it or just used the most common religion for the English when they adapted it?"**

**Ryuk: "Not that again! Fine! N doesn't o-own De-eath Note, N doesn't o-own De-eath Note, N doesn't o-own De-eath No – "**

**N: "SHUT UP, Ryuk! One thing I **_**do **_**happen to own is your apple supply, as well as the phone numbers of both Light and Mello! You know what happened the **_**last **_**time you stole Matt's goggles!"**

**Ryuk: "How did you know I had them?? Wait, you can't call him! Please, no! He'll KILL me this time!"**

**N (sighs and shakes head): "You couldn't have thought of that BEFORE you snatched them and dropped an apple core on his head? Never mind. Let's get to the story."**

**N doesn't o-own De-eath Note!**

**Damn, now I've got that stuck in my head …**

--

"How nice of you to join us, Yagami-kun," L said, having officially modified the title some time last night while he was drunk on strawberry-flavored Japanese cheesecake and thoughts of Raito. "We were just getting ready to leave. You packed a swimsuit, I hope?"

"Of course," Raito said stiffly, eyeing Ryuzaki with discernible trepidation. "I suppose the boys are packed then as well, then, Ryuzaki-san? How charitable of you to watch them for L and do things like this."

"It's part of my job," Ryuzaki demurred to Raito, gesturing with one of his long, pale, unbelievably elegant hands – Raito was hard-pressed not to cringe at the sappiness of that thought. Seriously, he wasn't even gay, though a lot of people suspected he was after the Misa Incident last year. So why was Ryuzaki so –

Unbelievably tantalizing?

"Someone at my level is basically a stand-in for L that can do whatever he can't without revealing his identity," Ryuzaki was saying, staring intently at him. "You might consider employment with L yourself, Yagami-kun. He always needs people of your intelligence. And besides, think of how much more time we would have to _work _together, if we had the same employer."

Perhaps that should have been sex-focused, socially impaired, and quite possibly permanently debilitating to those of a lesser mettle?

"Hey! Matt, stop helping Near with his fucking giant suitcase!" Mello burst out of the hotel doors after Near and a suitcase-laden Matt, looking aggrieved to say the least. "He shouldn't have packed so many toys anyway. What are you going to do, become his personal slave?"

"Not everyone mistakes common kindness for a gay relationship, Mells," Matt panted, letting the suitcases drop and plopping down beside him with his hands already at his bag's specialized zipper pocket. "Sadly, that doesn't seem to include you. And didn't you kick yours down all of the flights of stairs?"

"Shut up, asshole."

"Did you know that's Arschloch in German? You took German, didn't you? Why don't you try for some creativity in your cursing, since no one can get you to stop doing it?"

"You're dead, Matt."

"Not now, Mells, I'm busy pwning the boss. Can't you reschedule my death for after our little beach trip, or at least to provide some entertainment in the car?"

"WHY YOU NASTY LITTLE – "

Raito, with years of reflexes born from being a cop and a detective who worked in decidedly dangerous cases (though none of these helped so much as having to fend off too-pushy admirers ever since, well, kindergarten, though he'd dealt with them even before that) was the first to separate them, pulling the blonde-and-black whirling wildcat of fury that was Mello off of Matt and pinioning him soundly while he looked at the still-unfazed Ryuzaki.

Through Mello's stream of shouted obscenities and grotesque, varied, specific, and quite detailed death threats, Raito managed to throw out a comment to Ryuzaki, "Does this happen often, Ryuzaki-san?"

He grinned, lip twitching a bit in some form of peculiar amusement that stole Raito's breath for a moment. "With Mello around, yes. Matt, are you largely unharmed?"

"Yeah," he said, a little breathlessly, letting out a stunning cute sheepish little grin before remembering his DS and turning to scrabble at the ground frantically, think all the while about the mercilessness of Mello in a temper and hard, hard asphalt and cement. "Oh, shit, where is it? Mello, if you – "

"Your DS is here, Matt," Near said softly, offering it to him from where he had rescued it during the confrontation. "I wanted to make sure it wasn't harmed."

"Whoa … um, uh, thanks a lot, Near," Matt said, his mouth seemingly no longer connected to his brain or the fingers that reached out and gingerly took it, brushing Near's soft hand seemingly by accident and receiving an electric tingle. "Thanks. Really. I wouldn't want Mario Jr. the Third destroyed by Mello like his predecessors." He shot Mello a look as dirty as the one Mello was giving him, which said something about Matt's capabilities. If there had been a prize for dirty looks, Mello would have won one thing in his life, at least.

"You're very welcome, Matt," Near said, his voice dropping a few notches and stared down at his now-empty hand, which _Matt had touched. _He touched Mello like that, often, and he didn't even appreciate it.

The moment was ruined by Mello as always, rudely snorting, before wiggling his arms and saying, "Um, Police Officer Shining? Could you release me, please? I promise I won't give Matt a serious injury."

"Oh, um, sorry." Raito released him quickly, a bit of a blush springing to his tan cheeks. "Are we waiting for anything, Ryuzaki-san?"

"Just the car, which my driver is bringing around. I apologize for the behavior of Mello, Yagami-kun. Are you ready to, as they say it, 'hit the road'?"

Raito glanced over, shocked, and found that Ryuzaki's sable eyes were lit up with excitement. It was a good look for him. A very good look indeed …

"Um," he swallowed convulsively through the thick coating of saliva that was suddenly at his throat, "yes. Definitely."

If only he was ready for Ryuzaki …

--

"Matt." Chomp. Chomp.

Chomp!

"Matt."

Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.

"Can't talk now, Princess, Luigi and his vacuum are on a roll … die, stupid ghosts …"

"Matt."

Bip. Bip. Bip. Wzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Chomp. Chomp. CHOMP.

"Matt."

Chompy chompiddly chomp …

"Matt who is ignoring me and just called me a fucking PRINCESS."

Beep blap bloop bip bop bipip.

Chomp. Chomp-_omp._ **Chomp.**

"MATT!"

**Super Chomp of Absolute DOOM!!!!!**

Raito looked in the back of the car rather perturbedly, considering the kind of screams ("NO, Mello, don't do tha – AUUUUGH! Ow, man …") and snarls ("You're going to regret ignoring me, my PRINCE …") that were coming from it. He saw Mello and Matt, WITHOUT seatbelts – the police officer in him went into immediate protest – Mello pinning Matt to the seat and hitting him while Near huddled as small as possible in the corner, clutching two of his robots.

Raito looked at Ryuzaki, who was still driving along with those unfathomable eyes of his fixed unperturbedly on the busy road. "Um … Ryuzaki … should I do something?"

"I am sure they will be fine, Yagami-kun," Ryuzaki offered, flashing him an enigmatic smile. "After all, they have known each other for seven years and Matt is not dead yet."

For the first time in his life, Yagami Raito was unable to follow someone's logic …

Why was Ryuzaki full of so many firsts?

--

Beyond Birthday stared out the window of his hotel room, looking down at L … mmm, L, it had been so long since he'd seen him … along with the three brats and L's yummy new boytoy. He was tempted to go down now and pretend to be oblivious just to see the shock and fear on his lovely L's face, but, well …

He had a plan.

B sighed. When he had created the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases he hadn't liked L like this, really he hadn't. He never gave up what he wanted, anyway, but at the time he'd only been competition, a figurehead in _his_ position. But now … he'd caught glimpses of him in distant hotels and on his rare times outside, pored over his case transcripts and sometimes even hacked his files, and he'd finally come up with his Master Plan. He called it BGCATL, or Operation: Bargain. He liked the first title better.

What did B.G.C.A.T.L. stand for, you ask?

B Gets Children And Then L.

At the very thought he let out a low, "Henh henh henh," his natural chuckle, startling himself. He hardly ever did that, after all.

He shook it off, annoyed, and turned away from the window with considerable reluctance. There were other arrangements to be made in his plan, after all. it would have to go perfectly indeed.

And nothing would dare get in his way. Especially not pretty-boy Raito I'm-a-gay.

--

**Done, review please, thanks, more to follow, yeah yeah.**

**Note: Well, you may have noticed some MattxNear stirrings. The only reviewer who replied to my pairing prompt wanted them (ABKZ, thank you so very much) and I wasn't PLANNING it, but then I was thinking about them and it just sort of slipped out … also for A, 'cause it's one of her little secret obsessions. **

**Am I forgetting anything, Ryuk?**

**Ryuk: "Um, my constant pleading for reviews/apples?"**

**N: "Ah, yes. Whatever. CHAPTER END."**

**Ryuk: "What? You can't just end a chapter as abruptly as tha – "**

**CHAPTER END**

**-N**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Writer's block struck halfway through the chapter, but at least it's not as short as the other ones. Apologies or the semi-latish update, and thanks to all reviewers, as ever. And Sabret asked for LxRaito, like Albinokatzchen asked for MattxNear last time, so I was thinking about that for the end of this chapter. Pity A, because her computer got 218 viruses and she had to get a new email AND fanfic account. But here – finally – is the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Ryuk: "Why do you waste so much time on these? I'm pretty sure that people read stories because they actually want to read stories."**

**N: "Ryuk, this story is about comic relief. Sadly, story indicates that it actually has to have an actual plot, which cuts into the amount of humor I can jam into it. This disclaimer is about as good as two pages of writing. Do you understand now?"**

**Ryuk: "Uh … I'm right behind you. Couldn't you just say all this aloud?"**

**N (sighing): "No, Ryuk. And to anyone still reading this, I don't own Death Note's copyright or any affiliated subsidiaries."**

**Ryuk: "Hey! You said you'd stop using such big words! And it's my job to say the disclaimer!"**

--

"I'm sorry, sir, but your beach-house won't be ready until four o'clock," the realtor key-mistress idiot woman was saying to L, mustering a weak fake smile on her heavily makeuped face and staring at his clothing with some trepidation. Well, he _had_ ordered Watari to pick the largest and most expensive beach-house to rent available from this realtor, but that was beside the point. "You'll have to come back later."

L still stood there in puzzlement, wanting nothing so much as to just deposit his bags and the screaming brats at the beach-house and go to the beach with Raito. Preferably having the beach cordoned off for suspected criminal activity. Why hadn't Watari warned him about this? He gave a stiff nod. "Yes. I will return."

The shaky words of the receptionist followed him as she said, "Uh … come again, Takeshi-san? Please …"

"Not," she muttered as soon as he was out the door. L heard, because he was the great L, and vowed to buy up their company and fire her. Or demote her to one of those precious cleaners of hers.

--

"Did you get the key, Ryuzaki?" Raito asked, staring up at the rather dejected-looking man that came out of the store. "I went to the beach once with my family, and I thought that the beach-houses weren't usually ready until four."

"Perhaps Yagami-kun should have informed me of this beforehand," Ryuzaki said stiffly, regaining his seat. "The house will not be ready, as you said until for o'clock. Does anyone have an idea of what we shall do in the three hours until then?"

"Yeah," Matt drawled in his lovingly smart alec way, not even bothering to look up from his DS. "The beach."

Everyone turned to look at him in something of a culture shock for genii.

"… Well, what?" he asked, managing to shrug without taking his hands off of the gaming console. "When in Rome, y'know. Unless you all wanted to look in the shops?"

Unanimous wince.

"Well, then. What are we waiting for?"

--

As it turned out, at the beach they would be waiting a very long time. The problem being this, which one or other of the genii should have suspected: the only way to change was either the cramped confines of the car or a very sordid, very _public _bathing house, which everyone but Near could at least manage the inconvenience of, though if L hadn't had Raito to gaze at unabashedly there would have been greater trouble. Add that to the fact that Near refused, point-blank, to even wear his bathing suit, and you had a major-league problem. Who said people who don't have hissy fits can't resist properly?

In the dressing room, Near simply stayed still. He refused to get his bathing suit on, despite an altercation of threats, cajoling, orders from his idol _L_, and some slightly more frowned upon methods implemented by Mello. When it came down to force even L had chance to regret insisting the children have capoeira classes, because if Near had mastered one thing it was how to dodge with little effort.

Until … until Matt, who had for most of the forty-five minutes been mocking their attempts and commentating from the hard bench, decided to get behind the effort. To be clear, this was not his decision. It had a little bit more to do with the fist Mello was, at the time, waving threateningly in close proximity to his face.

"Get off your fat ass and help," he growled, swinging his fist so close Matt could feel the sharp swoop of air against his cheek, "or I will do some of the things to you I've always dreamed of. You know what we're missing. So _help_." He gave him a little shove, which unfortunately sent Matt sprawling. little was a relative term in Mello's world.

"Geez, Mells, you have no idea how gay you sound," he muttered, approaching the now slightly wary-looking Near and trying not to falter under the stares of curious – and scantily clad – fellow occupants. "Hey, Near," he said uneasily, managing a weak smile and unbelievably heartened when Near gave him the tiniest of smiles in return.

"So, uh …" - Matt wished for a gaming console more than anything so his hands wouldn't just have to dangle helplessly at his sides like this – "you seem to be enjoying yourself."

"I assure you that is not the case," Near said, quite seriously. "It seems that the 'just say no' that woman taught us about does not apply in real life."

"Um … I guess not. Why won't you wear your bathing suit?"

"Quite frankly, it is a ludicrous and ridiculously revealing contraption that I have no desire to ever be seen in, notwithstanding the fact that I am perfectly satisfied with my own raiment and have no wish to wear something rougher against my exceedingly delicate skin as well as have to extensively apply great quantities of rather appalling sunblock. Does that answer your question, Matt?"

"But how can you go in the water if you don't put on your bathing suit? Your clothes will get wet and cling to you, and they're much more transparent than the nice blue swim trunks Watari got you. C'mon, Near, you can even keep your shirt on if you want. Don't you want to stop me from being killed by Mells and leave Ryuzaki and Shining alone?"

"…"

"Good, then, it's deicded. Now go into that empty stall and change. We'll all be waiting outside when you're ready to hit the beach."

"…"

It seemed Matt had rendered Near positively mute.

"How'd you do it?" Mello asked, frankly admiring at the way it had only taken about a minute of whispering for Near to go and do what he was told like a good little ghost-boy. "We were at that for a half an hour!"

Matt allowed a broad grin to stretch across his features. "It's all in the correct leverage, Mells. Obviously you lack the proper one." As he walked out of the communal bathrooms he swore he could hear Mello mutter, "And you think _I'm _gay, Near's boy?" under his breath. Matt was more flattered than embarrassed.

But still … Mello was looking pretty fine in his black swim trunks and ponytail holder, too …

--

"Much better, Yagami-kun," L said from their position alone on towels on the beach beneath an umbrella fortress with all entrances of the sun covered, turning towards him slightly and gesturing to the loud cursing and splashes coming from the water. "I believe the boys are enjoying themselves, and I am glad. They have only been to an English beach, and to this it is a sad comparison. I have been to that one myself."

"So you like to visit beaches, do you?" Raito asked, auburn hair rustling a bit as he shifted to better face L, utterly sexy face looking teasing. "I can't say I've been very often, since my father worked a lot, and I've never been out of Japan. But since you work for L, I'm sure you travel a lot."

"Indeed, Yagami-kun." L wasn't even bothering to conceal his staring. 'There are many fine beaches over the world, though none of them have you to brighten them. How do you find the experience?"

Raito wasn't sure whether to waste time being appalled or to just be flattered at this point. "Quite refreshing, actually. I don't usually take much time off. What about you?"

"Lovely," L fairly purred. "Though anywhere with Yagami-kun would be a pleasure. Speaking of such …"

He leaned over, coming too close to possibly be construed as anything other than what it was. Raito found himself waiting for it – his lips were parted just the slightest bit, expectant, grasping – and he waited for the touch and taste of Ryuzaki's lips …

"NEAR!! NO!!"

--

**Cliffhanger indeed. You can't have a first kiss without drama for Raito and L, I say. **

**-N**


	8. Not Always Second Place

**A/N: Near was drowning for the first draft, but I got bored with it and didn't come back for about a month. This is my fun. Updated in honor of Light Yagami's birthday (and my brother's, which is on the 28****th**** of February, too) and because I just wanted to.**

**The phrase "pitching a tent" goes out to A, for a walk, some chocolate, a hopefully good movie on lend, and the scoop on her newest fanfic. Update is also in honor.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Ryuk: "…"**

**N: "Ryuk, why aren't you saying anything?"**

**Ryuk: "…"**

**N: "Ryuk, if this is a plea for me to hurry up and finish the chapter so you can get your apples, it's not working."**

**Ryuk: "…"**

**N (goes over, peers at silent, stiff form, glazed eyes): "Interesting. It seems he's gone into severe withdrawal. I guess I'd better go forcefeed him from the emergency stash."**

**Yes, Ryuk's out for thte count and it's my fault … I shall revive him by the end of the chapter. He'd love more apples, and anyone who wants to put M TALK TO N in their review, I'd be grateful. Sports should not usurp your friends' fanfic.**

--

"NEAR!!!!! NO!!!!"

Near eyed Mello disinterestedly, holding with his forefinger and thumb a small, writhing, little sand-colored crab. "What is the problem, Mello?"

"That – that _thing, _and its freaky little _claws _– Matt, make him get rid of it!"

Matt, sighing, hit the poor little thing out of Near's clinical grasp. His pout was lost as Mello shrieked again. _"Matt! _You didn't hit it far enough away! Now it could be _anywhere!"_

"The pacific sand crab, _Emerita analoga, _is perfectly harmless, Mello. If it were to pinch your skin you would barely feel it."

"Of course I would!" Mello exclaimed, backing up through the water hastily. "I have very sensitive skin, you know! I hate little crawly things!"

Matt rolled his eyes and looked at Near. "Sorry about that, Natey-boy. For someone so tough Mello sure is afraid of creepy-crawly things." He didn't add that if he was alone during a thunderstorm he would inevitably wet the bed, or that every time he saw a mushroom he made sure not to touch it for fear of offending the gremlins. There was no reason to knock yourself while you were knocking your best friend, as it kind of negated the purpose.

"I see," Near said, shaking his head in a brief clearing motion and dipping his hand in the water for a count of three before using it to twirl one of his sopping curls into a spiral. "I am unsure whether crustaceans have been known to carry salmonella. I wish I had the proper sanitation materials, as this water is no doubt unclean as well. Considering how many organisms it is the habitat for …"

"Near! Matt! Mello! Are you alright?" Raito rushed through the water and came to a stop, bronze and glistening chest heaving under his disheveled locks, red swimming trunks making him look as much as a Japanese Baywatch as anything. "We heard … Mello's shout …"

"There was a – cra-cra – " Mello, caught up in the act of gesturing enormously, tipped backward and fell into the roaring ocean, swallowed up before he could lodge his complaint. Matt cursed, Near stared blankly into the waves, Raito dived in after him (ostentatious; the water was only waist deep for him, he got a bit of a nasty scrape), and L shuffled up to the other two boys, looking the same way in the hope of getting a good glance of Raito.

They were back up so quickly Matt didn't even have time to finish his extended artistic curse, Raito's admittedly well-toned gluteus emerging first from the water, revealed in full tone by his now-soaking shorts.

Matt took this moment to glance down. "Stop pitching a tent, L."

"… You will not circumvent my enjoyment."

"…"

"GAH!" Mello shouted, spluttering, wrenching free of Raito's grasp and rubbing down his arms vigorously. He spat, unsuccessfully trying to rid himself of the taste of salt and sand. "My eyes are stinging like fucking mad! I swear I felt that crab brush my leg down there! It's after me, I tell you! It's a demon beast!"

Matt, over fearing for his friend's life now, snickered and said, "Well, it wouldn't be the first. Did you brush back?"

"NO! I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF THE WATER NOW, AND THEN I'M GOING TO FREAKING KILL YOU!"

Mello ran for the shore, only to get bulldozed by another errant wave. The ocean, which had been calm for the last few minutes, had returned with a vengeance. Near bobbed up against it serenely with L and watched Mello, in the absence of Raito (who was too busy surreptitiously eyeing L to notice), struggle back up just in time to be ploughed up by the next wave, and have it happen again.

And again.

And again.

Near was sure that if he had been in Mello's position and Mello in his, Mello would have been laughing his blonde head off. It made him feel temporarily better that Mello's mouth would then have been filled with water. The next wave, unfortunately, was a bit too strong for him as well: it pushed him past L and the others into Mello, knocking them both down again and tumbling to the rough bottom sand with no air and even less control over where they were going.

Mello shoved him away and used his chest as a springboard to propel himself upward; Near watched the bubbles fly away along with him and felt the tiniest bit betrayed. His body was rising, now, but the next wave shocked it back under with added whiplash – out of all the dangers of being L, this seemed like a needlessly painful way to die. Near found it especially ironic that it would be in the presence of four other people that could have saved him, and that now was the only time he actually thought one or two of them might even care about it. The water was so many shades of dark and light he couldn't tell whether or not there was any blackness in his vision …

He got hauled up, and amid extensive blinking and coughing he got a glimpse of a frantic-faced Matt. "Near? Are you okay? Near? Oh, God, Near, you'd better be okay or I'll – " Apparently he believed in higher deities enough to hold them accountable for such things.

Near tried to force words along with water up his burning, aching throat. "I'm fine, Matt. I think I want to get out of the water now, though."

"Of course you do," he muttered half-heartedly, glaring at Mello as he shielded Near from the waves on the way back to the shore. The others silently followed. "I don't think I like this beach very much myself, really."

--

"I'm sorry, Matt. I – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"But I'm really sorry! Please – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"I didn't mean to do it! Why can't you – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"Will you just stop cutting me off and listening to me! I'm trying to apo – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"YOU'D BETTER STOP – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"- CUTTING ME OFF LIKE THAT – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"- WHEN I'M ONLY TRYING TO – "

"Don't want to hear it."

"- APOLOGIZE!"

Matt finally, FINALLY looked up from his infernal gaming device. "Still don't want to hear it. Will you shut up? You're making me die."

"WHY YOU LITTLE – "

Mello jerked himself up off the chair, earning himself not even a single look from either Matt or the very … _engrossed _Raito and L, more than he wanted to think about his mentor indulging in but much less than a bunch of fans' eager minds might wish to think, and stomped off aimlessly. The sand sucked at his feet and made no impact, besides being a lot hotter than the sand in the shade, which made him twice as cranky. He found himself beside Near's toweringly and lovingly constructed sandcastle farther back on the beach, wetter sand imported from lower on the beach and moat made with a water source and circulation system and the bottom lined with assorted sharp shell fragments. He found this out when three feet away he tripped and fell, right arm landing in the moat and body crushing half of it.

Near looked down at him with more emotion than usual glimmering in his exceptionally large eyes. Mello stiffened himself to be able to respond in kind when he was told off for crushing half of his castle, which parts of the wall, tower, and moat were currently doing to him.

Instead he said, picking up a purple mollusk and holding it carefully, "Perhaps Matt doesn't think he is the one who needs an apology for his earlier behavior. I will go sit with him while you finish destroying my castle." He placed the shell in the center of the ruined castle, rested his hand on it for a second, and went over to Matt without another word.

To him, that is. Mello could see them both over there, leaning in and whispering secrets and dirty things that he so wanted to hear but also didn't.

He picked himself up, sitting down in the sand as he watched them. Inadvertently, Mello found his hand gripping the purple, complete oyster shell. For a moment he was afraid he'd shatter it. _I'm not sorry about any of it, Near. And don't think you'll be able to take Matt away from me that easily._

Game on. And who knew the redhead better than he did?

--

B was glad he'd hidden all the microelectronic waterproof audiosensory devices both L's and Raito's beach chairs and in the umbrella as well, which had a fisheye-lens videocamera in it too to make sure they didn't become _too _intimate and he wouldn't have to arrange for a distraction of some sort. Mello's shout last time had been a lucky call, but it looked like the little boys were safe for now. Just as well for him, really. He didn't want the ocean doing his dirty work. It would rob him of the proper image.

He put on the headphones and set the disguised-like-a-cellphone receptor screen up, watching and listening intently. L … his love … his obsession … his light. He devoured the sight of him like a marooned man rescued and offered water. No, he devoured him like a man who, after four years of constant meals, could never again take such a thing for granted.

"Ryuzaki," Raito was saying, slowly, God – he hated that overdone bronze trash who'd decided to come along and use the brats as an excuse to get close to _his _L – "you seem to know Near, Matt, and Mello well for someone who is merely an agent of L. Have you worked with them before?"

"Yes," L said slowly, staring at Raito – _Raito _– with the inscrutable gaze that made Beyond Birthday want to press a knife to his flesh, break his arm, throw him on the floor, shake him like a naughty kitten, kiss him on each eyelid, kiss him everywhere else, hit him with a pillow, anything to make him show some emotion. "I was an aide at their orphanage for quite a while before being distinguished by L for service. They were my favorites there."

"I see. You must have an interesting time working for L, then."

"You seem to have a lot of interest in him, Yagami-kun. Perhaps a secret fantasy about the man behind the laptop? I'm sure you would eventually meet him, working with him, if you continue to show your exceptional talent. I pride myself on being one of the very few who have."

B's eyes widened in interest. Now, just why would L be saying _that? _Was he trying to entice Raito into a real relationship?

It was a good thing his plan would prevent _that, _at least.

"I'm just curious," Raito defended himself, brushing back a piece of his accursedly natural hair. "I mean, does he just have a flair for the dramatic with so much secrecy? I work publicly as a detective for the police force, and I'm just fine."

L quirked one of his thin, elegantly arching eyebrows. B was torn between fantasizing and the jealously that _Raito _had managed to make him show even this much emotion. "Yagami-kun has total police protection, has several different routes to your office, switches apartments regularly and does not allow your family those addresses or anything other than Yagami-kun's first portable phone number, which is still registered under his parents' address. I believe Yagami-kun does not understand the magnitude of the forces after L, who has no other protection than his anonymity. Besides, who says he has time for the trifling matters of the world? Yagami-kun finds those dull enough himself, as I recall."

Raito sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I just wish I could meet someone who surely is interesting that once. And – wait – you said you met L? What was he like?"

L rose onto his left elbow. "Yagami-kun think I would expose such great secrets? Meeting L is the greatest of honors, and I would not sully it. Yagami-kun could be under orders to report it to his superiors in the police force, or even be a spy, considering the brevity of his acquaintance and the suddenness of his recent vacation. Impulsiveness or orders? Besides, I would not spoil the surprise for Yagami-kun."

"That's not fair! I asked what he was _like, _not for you to tell me any secrets! Besides – "

B didn't need to listen anymore. L was safe enough for now from the user of his poor, innocent self.

A twisted smile lit his face and stoked the fire in his burning eyes, because he had the perfect retaliation.

It started with the headline: Family of Five Killed. Gay Fathers Most Savagely Mauled.

He was tired of waiting. It was time to take a step up with his plan.

--

**Done. Review, please? The next chapter will come faster with constant reminders. (I wrote this in a day.)**

**Ryuk: "I hate you …"**

**N: "Whatever. And you'd better not try to write my brother's name in your Death Note to get his applesauce again, or there will be severe consequences."**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: It's late, Ryuk's great, and I've got to go. More to follow … **

--

"So you've finally found me out, Detective. I guess it's as much as one can expect from the police force, huh?" The thug leered at him, gun in hand and the dead girl's hair in the other. The cop raised his own gun.

"I'm taking you in, Lawett. You've killed your last innocent girl. Now put your hands in the air and set down that gun."

"What, you're gonna shoot me if I don't?" The thug cocked his gun and leveled it. "You think you can shoot me before I can shoot you?"

"I think that I have backup on the way and you won't be able to escape in time," the detective gestured, looking him in the eye. "Face it. There's no dramatic escape from this one. Your career's over. Do you really need to add firing at a police officer to your crimes?"

"Sure I do," Lawett snarled, pulling the trigger in peppering the other side of the alley in bright, blazing, BANG! BANG! gunfire. The dashing detective, of course, ducked, letting the bullets tear violent chunks in the brick of the alleyway.

He roared into his radio, "Calling in for backup! Perp is armed, firing, and dangerous!"

"Roger that!"

"You won't take me alive!" the murderer roared, before emptying the rest of the clip into his head and slumping to the ground with blood flooding out of his head and a maniacal smile.

The detective stared at him. "No!" he rushed over. "Crazy son of a bitch," he muttered. "I guess they won't be needing my testimony for trial …" He looked over at the dead, bloodied body of the girl tossed beside him, like a rag doll with a broken glass head. "And no one will be joining you … all in a day's work." He got to his feet and got on the radio again, bowing his head as the credits started to flash. Raine began falling as the alterna-sadness theme song started.

Matt groaned, jabbing his finger down on the remote while sprawled against the comforter in a desperate attempt to change the channel. "Please, Mello. Enough with the old-fart cop shows. I can't take another fake shootout death …" Tears were streaming down his face in laughter, most likely, seeing as he didn't seem to be too concerned about the bloody-haired girl or any other in the barrage of murders. He nearly spewed out red goo as he kept speaking. "God, it's so _lame …"_

Mello shook his head, frowning, leaning forward on the same bed. He'd made sure to call the position next to Matt first, like at Wammy's. He was trying to study the crime patterns in this mythical version of New York City. "I'm watching it, okay? I need to keep up my facial-reading and crime-prediction skills for L."

"Seventy-percent of ordinary consumers would be able to do so, based on the show's trends and the average of marketing value, not to mention their plethora and profusion of not-so-subtle hints leading to the location of the murderer …" Near intoned dully, spiraling a paper plane across the room so it hit the door knob in the fulcrum place to make it swing open as the result of a complex algorithm right in front of L, who he'd obviously known had been coming somehow. Matt smacked his forehead, rolling over. Oh, duh … the fricking _phone _had rung …

The roll, somehow, was enough to hit the remote and make it finally change the channel. To a television drama. "No, no, don't – " some frantic woman sobbed in Japanese, black silk evening gown dropping to her knees. "No, Tehono, no – "

Matt hurriedly swung the controller back up and made the screen fizzle black. He tossed it down on the bed in disgust and bounced on the edge of the bed. "Hey, L. What're you doing here?"

"Going to take you out to dinner, Matt, and I should not have to warn you not to call me L. If I had not already corrected the hotel surveillance system we might have been in trouble, as I am sure our friend Mr. Yagami will be watching us _most _closely during the duration of our stay." L slouched into the room, bending down to scoop up the paper plane on the ground from where Near had thrown it and gently readjust the bent nose. He was talking in English, luckily, so no one would be readily able to understand them in the hallway and Matt didn't have to practice the Japanese he had learned pretty much solely from dramas and movies with subtitles about giant monsters wrecking cities. His first word in Japanese had been 'Gojira' rather than 'Konichiwa,' after all.

Mello swung his legs over the edge of the bed and jutted his chin out sullenly. "Gonna leave me and Near he all alone, then? Make us order room service you're paying for?"

L quirked an eyebrow. "I was planning to take yourself and Near out, too, actually, though if you would like to stay here I might have to object for security reasons. I am sure you also know that it is _Near _and _I_, of course, seeing as you so often profess to having an excellent grasp of English."

"I'm never gonna say Near comes first," Mello snarled, jumping up and looking every inch the prince of bats, if bats were blonde and bit people to suck out their vital juices. "Where are you taking us out to eat, then? Some Japanese place? Do we have to, like, sit on the floor or something?"

"When in Rome," L said, eyes mirthful. "Or, in this case, Japan."

"Can I bring my toys?" Near asked, twisting another plane around his head and pointing it at Mello.

Matt jumped to his feet overenthusiastically. "C'mon, Near, Mells! Ahem, Mikey-boy, Nate. Let's go get some steak!"

Being a peacemaker was hard work. He was pretty much all that stood between his two friends, themselves, and L … no wonder he had to take to pounding out the insides of stupid little Goombas to deal with stress. And they looked almost like squashed, misshapen, chocolate-dumped Mello faces with legs, too, which was an added plus. And Near looked just like the little black-eyed clouds that guy with the flag rode on in Mario Kart …

L patted his head approvingly. "Do not worry, boys, there will be something palatable for each of you, as well as myself. The place we are going has an excellent dessert menu."

--

Raito escorted his parents in to the restaurant, taking his mother's coat and handing it to the staff as his father shrugged out of his own. He'd been making extra-polite and exta-nervous chatter with them from their house to the whole walk there, thankful that Sayu, at least, genuinely had something to say to him that didn't involve his career or anything about the mysterious L or the people he'd gone on his unexpected weekend vacation with. Of course, she was busy wondering whether or not her straight-as-as-a-porcupine wax dummy prick of a work-a-holic genius brother had finally gone around the bend like she'd always expected, but, well, she had always thought that. Even his mother was concerned sometimes. It was from his _father _he'd just never expected it …

"Of course my brother takes us somewhere fancy," Sayu muttered, draping her coat over his head and looking at the restaurant. "I don't think he even knows what a burger is, much less French fries. Only traditional Japanese food for him." She paused, hands in the pockets of her cute little dress. "Oh well. He's paying, after all, and I heard this place has _great _desserts."

Raito felt a bead of sweat slide down his back at the thought of sweets, which reminded him inescapably of Ryuzaki and thusly of the three genius children from hell and then of L, which was never a good train of thought to go on near his commanding officer, his perceptive little sister, and his parents. Soichiro cleared his throat loudly as they sat down, his father and mother across from him. "Well, Raito, it's nice to get a chance to see you outside of work. I'm sure your mother and sister are happy to finally see how you're holding up on your own since your birthday." He gave him a significant look.

Raito felt his cheeks heating up. He was a little devoted to his work, true, and Sachiko asked questions about uncomfortable things like his health and his love life and his free time that he didn't want to answer … what was he supposed to do? Take up painting while people were dying and being hurt and landing in little manilla files on his desk, with hardly anyone else to do the job? Personally, he envied L. He could pick and choose his cases. For Raito, every case was another victim that couldn't be ignored and still be brought to justice. He wondered how L couldn't feel that way, if L could help them. He wondered what L did in his free time. He wondered what L looked like. He wondered whether he ate while he was at the computer, like it had sounded yet. He wondered if L used coffee as a crutch to be weaned off sleep like he did.

But lately, his late-night wonderings about L had been twinned with Ryuzaki … Ryuzaki. Taboo subject with his parents around. Definite taboo. Sayu smacked him on the shoulder from where she was sitting next to him. "Earth to my brother. Earth to my brother. Did you want something to drink, O Distracted One?"

"Oh." Raito shook his head, coming abruptly back to his current awkward situation. He turned to the waitress and flashed her an unsteady smile. "Yes, please. Some tea, if you have it." He'd love to have a drink to steady his nerves, but he was a terrible drunk … and he didn't his parents to see him come on to his father or the table. Tea had caffeine, right? Right … it would look strange to order coffee to drink with dinner, anyway, no matter how much he needed to be alert right now …

"That's great. Thanks. I'll have those right out for you in a second, and you can tell me if you want any appetizers," the waitress said, glancing at Raito sideways and fluttering her lashes. Sometimes he felt like he stayed up so late at work and did all those things to himself just to be less attractive so they'd all stop stalking him, but nothing worked. He was still attractive and they still wanted to loosen him up, and he still felt like bait. Bait that, as a member of the National Police Force, could not stoop to assault or arrest unless he wanted everyone to laugh at him when he hauled them in or got hauled in himself by a detaining officer.

Soichiro cleared his throat. "So, Raito," he said. "Tell us about what you've been doing lately, other than detective work."

Well, that wasn't putting him on the spot at all … !?!?!?! Raito took a deep breath and tried not to panic. _Charming, _he reminded himself. He'd always been charming, able to tell anyone what they wanted to hear to get what he wanted. Except for his parents, that used to be the truth, and now that he didn't know where he was going or have successes to tell them about his goals …

"Well," he managed weakly, looking past them to a dark-haired couple conversing in hushed tones and leaning towards each other, "not much, really. I went on a few dates, but there was no one really … right. I found a good book at the bookstore the other day, and I'm halfway done with it, but work mostly keeps me busy. I'm fine. How are you doing in your freshman year of college, Sayu? Getting good grades?" His parents had always focused most of the attention on Sayu. Get them distracted, get himself distracted, take out his number one willful enemy, his sister, and put her in the line of fire …

Sayu pouted, glaring at him. "Just fine. They would be better if _someone _could ever find the time to help me with my homework like he used to …"

"Maybe Mom and Dad should get you a tutor, then," Raito said, teasing, relieved she'd taken the bait. Adopting a serious tone, he said, "You know, some sort of geek you'd never dream of associating with, who has plenty of free time and extra hours to spend teaching math to inattentive prettier girls …"

"Kind of like you, huh?" Sayu grumped. "Except you don't have free time, either. Or friends. Or a fulfilling relationship. Or a sense of humor." Raito glowered at her, revealing a bit more of how _little _a sense of humor he had. "What?" she protested. "You got the brains and half of the looks, and I got everything else. Including the common sense and social life."

"Spare me," he groaned, once again reduced to bickering with his sister while his parents made small talk among themselves, the normal pattern for a dinner at the Yagami household. The waitress came and collected their orders and menus without incident, though with a wink at him that made Sayu snort and say "Another worthless conquest to my brother's doll-like good looks," which of course started another round of affectionate squabbling. The food came back and she stole a bite of chicken off of his plate. In return, he nabbed a swirling bite of noodles. Hey, they were gaining variety and saving money.

His phone rang, causing him to glance down – oh, shit, he'd forgotten to silence it or turn it off or just leave it at home, dammit, what if it was Ryuzaki – why had he even given that fool his number – oh, yeah, for "emergencies" – please don't be a come-on call – he glanced down at the number and breathed a sigh of relief, followed by renewed panic. It was the station. What could they have to tell him on his night off?

Across the table, Soichiro's phone started ringing, too. They stood up from the table simultaneously, and Raito turned around at Sayu's indignant shriek and flipped the phone open, knowing full well that while he was taking the call his food would be eaten, stolen, and defamed as reparation.

"Hello? Raito Yagami speaking. Is there a problem?" he asked.

"Raito, thank God you have your phone on," someone said breathlessly into the phone, immediately identifying the speaker as Matsuda, which made him automatically grimace. Was there really even an emergency, then? "L wants you and the Chief back at the station, pronto." Apparently so. If L – wait, _L?!?!?! _– was calling for him – "There's been a nasty murder case, completely free of evidence, and L wants you two on the case. Sorry to interrupt your night out, but he thinks it's important. Watari's even here, waiting at the station."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Raito said, closing his eyes as he snapped the phone shut. Murder cases and L. Two of the things he had been trying to forget were calling him away. All he needed now was for Ryuzaki to pop creepily out of a corner and Nate and Michael and Matt to be kidnapped …

Luckily, as he made his excuses and hurried out to the car, nothing like that happened. Yet.


End file.
